Category: General

Please Stand By


Today started out like any other day. Got up, took the dogs out, got ready for work, checked my email, watched the weather, kissed my husband goodbye and headed out the door to make my 8:00 start time. Today ended up a bit different than most.I drove up the usual road that I take to work and I noticed at a sharp bend in the road there was a stopped garbage truck.. It was a bit odd since there are no garbage pickups in that part of the road.. At first I did not think to much of it and just took care to stay out of the way. As I approached the side of the truck I realized that something terrible had happened.

Just behind the truck laying flat out and face up there was a middle aged man on the pavement. The garbage truck driver was just jumping out of his truck.. It seems the man who rides the back, and throws the garbage into the truck, some how fell off as the truck rounded the bend.

At first I slowed down not sure if I should stop since I really was not of any help in a situation such as this. I don’t even carry my cell phone.. I didn’t want to get in the way, but I felt in the looks of the situation it was not right to just drive on by while he lay in the road with only his friend there beside him..

I stopped the car, I don’t even think I shut it off, and went to see if I could help.. I went and stood over the man on the pavement while his friend who also was not carrying a cell phone went to call for emergency help. I watched close to make sure he was breathing. I felt bad because there was really nothing I could do. He was unconscious. I tried to see if he was awake by talking to him. But there was no response. I just watched helplessly, while reading of basic first aid and cpr ran through my head. All I could think of was not to let anyone move him cause he could have broke his back or neck falling that hard onto the pavement..

As I watched a small pool of blood had formed from the back of his head.. Whether it had been there the whole time, I wasn’t sure, but it didn’t seem to get any bigger.. If it had, I knew I had a clean beach towel in my car I could have used to try and put under his head to help stop the bleeding.. But again should I even move him that much. The things that run through your head when something like that it happening..

At first the driver ran to the ranger station right across from where we were, but they were not open yet so no one was there. I guess he had a radio in his truck as he ran back to the truck and within just a minute there were cars with sirens and police and other public works trucks coming from all directions. Though the man was breathing it was slow.. and he did have a strong pulse. One of the men that showed up from the ranger station garage thought he had stopped breathing and checked to make sure his airway was not blocked.. He gave him a couple breaths to make sure he was breathing seemed to get a bit better. This man also checked his pulse and agreed that his pulse was strong..

The blood pool from his head did not seem to get any larger in the few minutes I was there. Public works men who were his friends arrived and the police and volunteer guys, probably fire department guys, arrived and seemed to have everything under control..

I started to feel as though I had no business there anymore and that I might appear to the arriving emergency crew as a gawking spectator. So I got in my car and went to work. I wasn’t much help but I had done all I could do and needed to give them the space they needed to work.

I was concerned for the man but felt okay with everything till I got to work..

I sat down at my computer arriving just on time. I started trying to open up my same programs I have opened on my computer the last three years of my life. Only thing was, I couldn’t focus enough to even click on the links I needed to. I was having a major delay reaction.. My heart started pounding and I could not focus my mind. Suddenly I nearly started crying. There was no way I was able to deal with the public at that moment. I kept seeing his pale face and the pool of blood in my mind. Knowing I may never know if he was going to be okay. I didn’t even know his name.

I am one of those people that are good in a crisis but fall apart when it is over with. I started shaking and told a couple co-workers what had happened.. I went to try and find a supervisor to tell them it was going to be a few minutes till I could collect myself enough to answer the phones. But of course there was none to be found.

I sat for a few minutes to comprehend what had just happened. Trying to relax and to tell myself I had done all I could. I wished I could just go home.. I was, for a time, thinking about the mortality of things and how in a flash everything in a person’s life can change.. How within the few seconds it took for the driver of that truck to look back in his mirror and stop the truck, within only a few short feet, his life had changed. The man, his co-worker, his friend, lay on the ground, possibly dying. He had only a few moments before been doing his regular route throwing cans of trash into the back of the truck with possibly no cares in the world and with a twist of fate it had all changed.

As I collected myself and felt myself calm down enough that I was able to start up the programs on my computer, I knew I could take a bit more time if I needed it. I felt that the faster I got back to my job the faster I could just go back to focusing and put aside the events just past. The world doesn’t stop for tragedy.

I didn’t have trouble most of the day.. I didn’t try to sell things like I was supposed to I focused on just the necessities of fixing the customers problems to the best of my ability.. But every time I stopped either for break or lunch my thoughts were filled with concern for what was happening to the man. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done more? Should I have done nothing?

After work I went out for my usual Friday night-out dinner. I didn’t taste my food.. I don’t remember eating half of it.. Even now I feel a strange sort of numb feeling. Should I call the hospital and see if I can find out any information? What would I tell them? I didn’t have a name. I’m not related. Again, helpless to the feelings.

So instead, like any writer I put the thoughts down on paper (computer screen) to help work through them. I have to resign myself to the thoughts that for the few minutes I was there. And his friend didn’t have to leave him lying there alone behind a garbage truck as he went to find help. And even in that little way, I think I did the right thing… just standing by.

categories General | | datetime September 21, 2007 10:51 pm | comments Comments (0)

Youthful Aging

When I was young I never thought about the end of it all. Life was lived for the minute. I did things just for the sheer personal gratitude and for the fun excitement that it brought.

When you are young you rarely think of the consequences of your behavior or how it effects other people. There is rarely any deliberate rebellion. Rebellion is just a sub- conscience reaction to things. A need to keep boredom at bay.

As you grow older spontaneity is a little less frequent. Life does not allow for the fun little “do for yourself” moments. Life is filled with the consequences and reminders of them. Not only do you not have the energy for rebelliousness, you just can’t find the time.

If you do something rebellious when you are older you are fully aware of what you are doing and how it will effect others.. And most of the time that is why you do it.. Of course that is unless you are intoxicated by some means. Then, of course, you are just plain not thinking at all.

With age comes responsibilities.. (how I yearn for youthful rebellion sometimes) Those “go out and get into mischief days” turn to things like eating a really large helping of your favorite ice cream when you know you shouldn’t have any at all or some other self destructive behavior. After all you don’t want to hurt anyone else. Well, most of the time anyway..

Another one of the things you never think about when you are young is your health. You don’t think about the massive amounts of alcohol you drink at a party as doing damage to your liver. Or the cigarette you smoke with your friends damaging your lungs or heart. You may know of those things but you really don’t think too much about it.

Women wear high heals that are wearing out your heal tendons and apply makeup to their youthful colorful complexions in the name of beauty and all that natural color disappears. . Many enjoy the laying out in the sun for hours with girlfriends getting a tan. Oops if you get a sun burn. It peels and heals and all is well again. You don’t think about a new freckle as a possible melanoma

You don’t think your music is too loud and you turn up your favorite songs a little more or opt for the concert seats right in front of the bands speaker towers at a concert.

Youthfulness is just naive about what the future holds.. After all who thinks they are going to be 50 years old when they are a kid.. I am sure I am not alone in thinking I would never live to get old.

Strangely enough like most everyone else I have gotten older. I am now starting to face the realities and consequences of my youth..

Nope, I can no longer drink like I use to.. The hangovers just about kill me.. Staying up all night, sleeping for 2 hours and doing it again is not even a second thought anymore. I know it is not going to happen.

I notice I am watching the lips of people I am speaking with more often to make up for the words I can’t hear as well due to all that music that wasn’t that loud in my past. That works pretty well only now my vision is getting a bit blurry too. So I have to read their lips from a little distance away.

When I get a bit of heart burn or strain a muscle in my arm and feel a bit of pain I start worrying is this what a heart attack is.. Should I go to the doctor and get checked out.. Is this the beginning of the end. Now when I get clumsy and fall on my knees I wonder are they going to heal this time or is the pain going to turn into arthritis and last for the remainder of my life.

I do have some really cool stuff now that I am older.. I have some nice uncool bills to go with them. I actually care if they get paid, more scary, I worry about them being paid on time. I never used to think about it as I played the bill collectors lottery when I was younger. Putting all the bills in a hat and pulling to see which one got paid. (You got me the shut off notice first.. Congratulations you’re the new winner of this months Bill Collectors Lottery!!)

I realize now that there is a future and am trying to save money for it. Which seems a bit fruitless most of the time.. There is always some expense waiting for me to save up a little money for the future, and takes me back back to start over again.

If find myself thinking of my high school friends and think about calling them up.. For some reasn I think they will remember me and everything will be just as it was.. Though it has been almost 30 years since high school.. Yeech 30 years.. Weird, I don’t feel at all like it has been that long.. It feels like only a couple years ago I was bar hopping and dancing all night going to concerts and baseball games. Not sleeping for days on end.

My mind is as sharp if not more so now than it was then.. But my body… I look in the mirror and wonder who that stranger is with the lines forming around the eyes and with the grey hairs popping up above and beyond all the rest as if to shout out. “You’re getting older stand up and be proud!”.

I find myself sitting back lost in the “I remember when”s, that I keep in silent sanctuary. What a youthful wild hell-cat I used to be..

Just to be spontaneous I decided to color my hair to get rid of those “hey look at me” greys. and buy a new outfit, some new shoes call up a few friends and go out to the local hot spot have a drink and do a bit of ‘Born to Be Wild’ dancing. But since I am old enough to know the consequences of such behavior I chose a different route.

I did color my hair, but I opted to save some money and stick with my comfortable jeans and tennis shoes; stay home and drink a couple glasses of wine. I know my friends will be too busy raising their families to go out and have a drink anyway. I think I will be rebellious and not answer the phone when it rings and for something really spontaneous, I think I might just call it an early night and pass on all my favorite commercials on TV and go to bed early.. I am kind of tired again tonight…

I hope I’m not getting sick *wink*

categories General, Uncategorized | | datetime August 23, 2007 9:10 pm | comments Comments (0)

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