by rubydragon » Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:22 pm
Hey all, I really appreciate everybody who has been there for me and everyone who has cared for me. Seizure is correct and I tried to tell people this, that all I needed was to be left alone to try and sort myself out, Icicle cares a lot more than I believe neccessary and no offence intended whatsoever but being "monitored" 24/7 I could not be me and figure out what to do with myself (I do understand her intentions), yes I did want to kill myself and yes I did try, as you can tell, unsuccessfully.
It wasn't just Icicle it was everyone around me. Imagine being stood in a room of 50,000 people all talking to you at once, that is how I felt and I just wanted to scream and get them all away so I could find myself again, suicide was an option because it would get me away from everything and everyone. I am unhappy that everyone who didn't know what was going on, found out, and had an opportunity to try and "talk" to me. This I am angry at, and I am also angry that my friends on this site knew what was happening. I do appreciate you being there for Icicle, understanding and helping her, I see why she did, she was just trying to get as much help as possible. doesn't stop me from being angry.
I am slowly coming back to myself again, it has taken drastic measures to do so, and I have hurt a lot of people and a lot of them are wondering where I am, I am sorry for that, but if they had just let me be. "I have only done what is necessary for myself and my sanity!!". I am not in my hometown, I am far from home. I am alone and I am alive and that is how I tend to stay for now. Suicide is no longer an option.
Sometimes being solitary is the best way to stay keep some form of sanity.
Thank you all for helping Icicle, and thank you all for caring about me, it is appreciated, I just need to be alone.
I second you Xeracy, Amen Seizure.
The only true source of inspiration, is to be an inspiration.
There is No More Inspiration!!