JOKES or FUNNY STORIES

[Capricorn]

Morris was 82 years old and went to the doctor to get a medical check-up.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous lady.

The doctor spoke to him later and said, " You are doing very well aren't you!"

"Just doing what you told me Doc,..... get a hot mamma and be cheerful".

"I didn't say that" the Doc said, " I told you that you had a heart murmer and be careful!"

[Rosanne]

He meant that he should have cured the millionaire slower because he could have gotten more money out of him. LOL I liked that one, and it took me a second too

[Dreamer]

This is pretty neat.. can you tell what is wrong with this room???

http://home.attbi.com/~n9ivo/whatswrong.swf

[Capricorn]

Oh Dreamer, I recognised that room! My son has sent it to me some time ago. He was at home when someone sent it to him....well I haven't heard him scream since he was a young boy...but he screamed!! I must say, seeing that room again gave me butterflies in my stomach, waiting for that....well I won't give it away for any one who hasn't looked yet! Haha! nightmares!

[Stacey]

Hee hee... i saw that one too. I won't let the cat out of the basket though. : wink :

[Luc]

i seen one that is simlier to that one.. not exactly that one but pretty same.. iits funny^^

[bingholic98]

cap you have really got people talking.I would leave a joke on here but I don't remember them keep up adding the topics you are good at it

[Dreamer]

There was a foursome of ladies about to play a par three,
165 yards long. Suddenly, out from the trees beside the fairway...
a streaker ran across the open expanse of the fairway.

In a gasp, one lady remarked "I think I know that guy...
isn't that Dick Green?"

"No" replied another, "I think it's a reflection of the grass!"

[Luc]

two dead boys got up to fight,
back to back they drew their swords and shot each other,
the deaf man heard them, if you dont belive him ask the blind man he saw them too..

er i think thats how it went o.o

[Dreamer]

> Earlier in the day, MSNBC broadcasted a brief exchange between on of their
> anchors and the Iraqi ambassador. The guy was a blubbering idiot trying to
> spin what was happening to his country and to proclaim their innocence.

I love that guy. Every time he's on "Meet The Press" is televised comedy
gold. The exchanges usually go something like this:

Tim Russert: Mr. Ambassador. You have stated many times that Saddam
Hussein does not have a mustache. Is this correct?

Iraqui Ambassador: Yes, that is true. We destroyed all mustaches in
1992.

TR: Then why is it every picture we see of him, he has a mustache?

IA: Who?

TR: Saddam Hussein.

IA: Ah yes. The president. Yes, he destroyed his mustache in 1992.

TR: But we have a picture of him, taken just last week, showing him with a
mustache.

IA: Obviously that is an old picture from 1990 or earlier.

TR: Mr. Ambassador, this picture was tkaen just last week. He's holding a
copy of last Friday's newspaper.

IA: Yes. The Basra Bugle. Very good newspaper - wonderful comics
section, "Hi and Lois" just kills me.

TR: And you see the date on the newspaper.

IA: Yes. It is last Friday.

TR: So you agree that this is a recent photograph.

IA: Yes, that is what I said. Last Friday.

TR: And he has a mustache in that photo.

IA: Of course not, I don't know what you are talking about. We destroyed
all mustaches in 1992. Including President Hussein's mustache.

TR: But you can see the mustache right there in the photo.

IA: Where?

TR: On his lip.

IA: His what?

TR: His lip.

IA: Ah yes. His lip. I see no mustache on his lip.

TR: Then why is his upper lip all black and hairy?

IA: Oooohhh...his upper lip. Well that's different.

TR: So you admit that Saddam Hussein has a mustache on his upper lip?

IA: You must be mistaken, he has no mustache. We destroyed all of them
in...

TR: ...1992. Yes, you've said that a number of times. However, this
photo clearly shows Saddam Hussein with a black, hairy upper lip. What is
that, if not a mustache?

IA: Well, obviously it is a shadow. President Hussein was smiling when
the photograph was taken, because he is a kind, happy man, and he is
beloved by all the Iraqi people.

TR: Mister Ambassador, he is clearly not smiling in this photograph, and
there are no shadows on his face. They were eliminated by the camera's
flash. Besides, his lip is not just black, it is also hairy.

IA: Perhaps it is some hummus?

TR: Hummus?

IA: Or a Zionist propaganda photograph. For we have destroyed all
mustaches in 1992.

TR: <sigh> Thank you for coming on our show Mr. Ambassador. Up next, we
have George Will who will whine about something for 7 minutes, then we'll
be joined by that wacky couple, James Carville and Mary Matlin. Right
here on Meet The Press.

William D. "Scriptwriter to the stars" Neumann