JOKES or FUNNY STORIES

[LinzAy]

lmao!!! what a good laff that was definitely needed!

[Dreamer]

[Capricorn]

Hehe!....good one Becky


A man went to the doctors because he had terrible suburn - specially on his legs.

"Doc, can you give me something for this sunburn it's so painful"

"Yes, I'll prescribe you some Viagra tablets"

"Viagra?..didn't know they were good for sunburn!"

"Well, in their way they'll help by keeping the sheets off your sore legs"

[Dreamer]

now that was a good one too hehe

[Dreamer]

On a recent radio station appearance, "Uncle" Larry Reeb
was asked, "Are you a college man?"

He replied, "Nope. I stayed HOME and got drunk. I couldn't
afford that $20,000 cover charge."

[Leah06]

ok there is a russian and american and a blonde talking and the Russin says we were the first to go into space The american says well we were the first to be on the moon and the blonde says well we are going to be the first on the sun. and the american and russian look at eachother and say you can go one the sun or you will be incinerated. And the blonde says jeez we are not that stupid, thats why we are going at night.

[Dreamer]

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach
these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them hiking, climbing, tenting,
canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the
rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not
one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines

[Ghost]

There was a Russian man and both he and his wife loved vodka. One day on his way home from work, the man stumbles across an old tarnished lamp. Of course, he picks it up and tries to clean it up. A genie pops up and says,"Thank you for freeing me, I'll give you one wish for what you have done." The man says,"One wish! I thought I was supposed to get three!?" The genie only gives him one wish. The man says,"I wish that everytime I took a piss that it turned into the best vodka ever made." The genie grants him his wish and the man was on his way back home. When he gets home, he tells his wife to get him a glass because he has to pee. He pees into the glass, and being a little suspicious, smells it and it smells just like vodka! The man takes a drink and it was the best tasting vodka he's ever had. His wife starts throwing a fit and so he tells her what happened. Of course, she's curious so she has some also. That night, they both get drunk from that vodka. The next night, the man tells his wife to get him a glass so they could have more vodka. She asks,"Why only one glass? I wanted some too." The husband replies,"Tonight you drink from the bottle!!"

[Dreamer]

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance,
Germany doesn't want to go to war,
and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and =
'Colon.'
Need I say more?"
-- Chris Rock

[Roy]

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something I didn"t do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."