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what would you do if you found out that your bestfriend in the whole world died? cause right now i am so confused... i know it seems like a weird question after Ryan's "so-called" death, but it seems like the way my friend died was the way Ryan supposably died. hmmm i just dont know what to do anymore.... things are so confusing to me.....

Sometimes there are just no answers... I know I would be very sad, hurt and lonely.

What if I had been a better friend
would things have been different in the end
Would you have chosen a different way
or would it just have happened a different day

So many questions with answers never known
in an endless loop I have been thrown
what if, I had been a better friend
would things have been any different in the end
-Dreamer

maybe there is no real anwer..... maybe i am just looking for something impossiable.... but the question is really bothering me.... why donsnt she just come back and not do what she did in the first place??? was it my fault she died?? did i try to help her enough?? so many confuning question!



becky, i love you poem!

Brenda,
There are no answers that are understandable. My husband's best friend since childhood took his own life several years ago. There were no signs anything was that severely wrong.

For years we both played the what if game. Self blaming for something that was not in our control. Wanting some miraculous answer to "why" that was not there.

A person that commits suicide has a mind/heart that is not well. If they wanted to be saved there would have been a much more obvious cry for help. But when a person really wants to end their life there is no warning. They don't want to be stopped. Their mind is made up.

Suicide has a selfish side to it. It is done with overwhelming thoughts of self and self pain. It is not done with friends and family and the hurt it will cause in mind. The mind/heart is too ill to think that way.

How many times have you been able to change a person's mind that is set and made up. You can't no matter what you say or do.

For everything in life there is a time....It was her time.

For some unknown reason it was just her time to leave. For every begining there is an ending. She chose her own.

You will eventually be able to be happy for the moments you had together and the good times. You will be able to smile with a memory as well as cry.

And in your heart, as long as you remember those times, she will always live on...

I don't know if these words helped at all. But they come from my heart to yours.

Becky,
those words really have helped a great deal. It is just that Arami did it cause her aunt and uncle died. her aunt never told anyone that she had cancer and then died so her uncle commited suicide to be with her. her brother also died not to long ago in a car accident. her grandmother is dieing also. her dad is prolly the only one left in the family. (besides her mother) i dont know it just seems like a horror movie. everyone is dieing. i dont blame myself anymore cause Ev and you have helped me... but i think the what if's are going to haunt me forever. thanks for helping me though... i greatly appreciate what you have done for me.

~Brenda~

The what ifs will stay, but you musn't dwell on them or they will consume your existence, you cannot change the past, you can only hope for a better future, I know this now because I know what you are going through!!
The reason I have been away so long (which I apologise to everybody for) is this I am now ready to talk about it:
In the past month I watched my Nanna starve to death with cancer of the oesphagus(foodpipe), I then find out that my grandma is dieing of skin cancer, my mother and brother have a severe car accident that almost killed them both, two of my best friends have died, one from alcohol poisioning the other from suicide, I have to go have a catscan, and then I lose my job, now I may lose the place that I live, and I unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide because I couldn't take it anymore!! I tried twice and am still alive so I have taken as a sign to keep going, you cannot dwell on the what ifs or they will destroy you

Heres my favourite poem if it will help

Life is Fine By Langston Hughes

I went down to the river
I set down on the bank,
I tried to think, but couldn't
so I jumped in and I sank,
I came up once and hollered
I came up twice and cried,
If it hadn't have been so cold
I might have sunk and died,

but it was cold in there
it was cold,

I took an elevator sixteen floors
above the ground,
I thought about my baby
and I thought I would jump down,
I stood there and I hollered
I stood there and I cried
If it hadn't have been so high
I might have jumped and died,

But it was high up there
it was high,

So since I'm still here living
I may as well live on,
I could've died for love
but for living I was born,
You may hear me holler
you may see me cry,
but I will dogged sweet baby
If you gonna see me die,

Life is Fine
Fine as Wine
Life is Fine!!

You can get through it, keep your chin up, smile and realise that there are worse situations out there, and If you need me Private message me!!
I'm always there for anyone!!

no wonder where you have been. I for one have missed you alot.


and brenda, idont know what to tell you, but iknow how you feel, itoo have been going through that as of right now and im sort of stuck, like time is satnding still. im here if you need to talk.

thanks ruby and leah. i am glad that i have friends like you too. ruby your words are so inspiring to me and that poem really touches my heart. thanks!

dreamer I know your words were for brenda but your insight to suicide helped me understand my friends thoughts. thank-you. these words helped me brenda hope they help you

ruby is always inspiring...thats why we love him!