DreamersReality.com

this is the continuation of the author Danielle W's author's note.:
from Hard Times Good Times at http://www.dreamersreality.com/poems/read/11758/



im 17 and my boyfriends about to turn 20. i just found out that i am pregnant, im happy but still really scared. im young and i dont know if im ready to have a baby of my own.

my mom wasnt a really big part in my life even if she tried really hard, it still wasnt enough, i needed someone to talk to, and someone to trust, someone who would look at me and just tell me that im glad your okay,

my mother is one of the reasons why i tried to kill myself, and i know shes not all to blame, but i went through a really hard time and i was way to young, getting raped is something that haunts you everyday and my mom told me it was all my fault. i didnt tell her at first but it was driving me crazy and i thought maybe for once she'll hug me and say i love you.

so im scared that i will have a daughter of my own and she'll go thru hard times just like me.

my boyfriend is in college and im living with him. just me and him, i love it. somedays i feel so happy and so excitied and everything but other days i just want to lay down in our bed and cry. im in my last year of high school and im glad, but i am getting a scholorship to go to the same college as my boyfriend. i have no idea how we are going to be able to raise a baby and still see each other and stay in love.

i use to think that i lived in one big nightmare and i use to say oneday ill wake up from it.

i think that me and my boyfriend are going to be good parents and i hope everything is all good. my mom and me do talk but just not a lot. i still dont understand why she didnt love me and why she made it seem like she hated me.

i think thats why i love my boyfriend so much; when i have a bad day and feel like sh*t he will be the only one to look in my eyes and smile and say im glad you were born or im glad i have you. and that just feels so good to know.

i am 2 months pregnant and i talked to my boyfriend about and im kind of excitied now. right now im on the computer and hes watching a movie with my little sister whos 15. shes staying with us for awhile, shes going thru her hard times right now and i want her to feel the way i never felt untill i met my boyfriend.

im really glad i have this website, because it feels good to spill my heart out when i need to.

sometimes i get really lonely even if im right here with my boyfriend; i think i just want my mom; i mean i am only seventeen and i hope shes there for me.

thank you for listening. please give me some advice; because i think im going to need it.

Danielle-
My friend who is 16 is also pregnant. Shes having her baby in march and her boyfriend is 19. He is a marine and is currently in iraq. Shes a junior and still has highschool left ahead of her. (just a little story maby to help you know that you arent the only one) I know how you can get lonley because i sometimes get the same way. I dont get along with anyone in my family, and though i am surrounded by friends all the time, it seems like im all alone. Like i can scream at the top of my lungs and no one will really notice something is wrong. So i know how you feel. My advice to you is to find somone who you will probly never meet in your life, and just spill your guts out to them. make sure they are around your age and willing to listen and help without judging you. this website is a huge help for me and im sure some of my friends here would help you too. keep writing because we all know writing helps heal. im sorry i dont have very good advice. i guess the only thing you can do is tell your mom exactly how you feel. maby she doesnt realize how bad you feel when it comes to your relationship or lack there of with her. good luck. im here if you need anything.

-Leah K.