JOKES or FUNNY STORIES

[Capricorn]

Laughter is a great medicine...so I hear! It certainly makes me feel good. I have a cold at the moment..throbbing head, sore throat, could really do with a good laugh to make me feel better Any one got any jokes or funny stories to help me out Keep them fairly clean or Dreamer might not like it Actually clean jokes are often mugh more clever.Used to know a lot of jokes but with this head I can't think of one. Must ring my Dad, he's always telling jokes! Well who' going first

[vampi]

The leader of a cannibal tribe was about to cook his latest victim when the man suddenly protested
"You can't eat me - I'm a manager!"
The cannibal replied
"Well you'll soon be a manager-in-chief!"

[Dreamer]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers
the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some
of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up
again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again,
the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath,
the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The
trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you
are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says ... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Cleveland and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

[Capricorn]

Ha ha Starting to feel better already Next please

[Capricorn]

Two strangers, man and woman, sitting next to each other on a plane. Suddenly, the plane is out of control and starts to plummet The woman rips her blouse off and says to the man`Treat me like a woman for the very last time' The man rips off his shirt to oblige and says `Okay, iron that for me'

[Dreamer]

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up "Yeah, right."

[Dreamer]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces:

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

[Dreamer]

A Little Snail

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.

Ten years later, he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.

The snail says, "What the f*** was that all about?"

[Capricorn]

Very good Dreamer I enjoyed those

Notice in a second hand shop
We exchange anything, Bicycles, washing machines, T.V.'s etc. Bring your wife along and get yourself a bargain!

Notice in a Safari Park
Elephants...keep in your cars!

Notice in a farmers field
The farmer wil allow you to cross this field free of charge,but the bull charges!

Hope some more people join in this topic, we could keep it going for ever! Keep smiling now

[Luc]

blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."