"I've started referring to the proposed action against Iraq as
Desert Storm 1.1, since it reminds me of a Microsoft upgrade:
it's expensive, most people aren't sure they want it, and it
probably won't work."
-- Kevin G. Barkes
JOKES or FUNNY STORIES
by Capricorn » Tue Dec 17, 2002 5:53 am
Good thinking Dreamer! 
Heard this on TV yesterday.
It has been stated that Rudolph and all Santa's reindeer are actually female. This has been proven as male reindeer shed their antlers for the winter season, but the females retain them. As Santa's reindeer have antlers, they must therefore all be female!
It was also said
`Well only a woman could take a fat man all around the world in only one night'!!!
Heard this on TV yesterday.
It has been stated that Rudolph and all Santa's reindeer are actually female. This has been proven as male reindeer shed their antlers for the winter season, but the females retain them. As Santa's reindeer have antlers, they must therefore all be female!
It was also said
`Well only a woman could take a fat man all around the world in only one night'!!!
Laughter is better than any medicine the doctor can prescribe.
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Capricorn - Posts: 115
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- Location: U.K.
by Dreamer » Wed Dec 18, 2002 6:58 am
Sami asked:
Why did Santa Have three gardens?
So He could Hoe Hoe Hoe
Why did Santa Have three gardens?
So He could Hoe Hoe Hoe
"I can't be in your shoes, But I can be by your side.. and hold your hand in friendship."
-Scott Goober, (Boston Public)
-Scott Goober, (Boston Public)
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Dreamer - Site Admin
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- Location: Indiana, US
by Dreamer » Wed Dec 18, 2002 7:00 am
Sami Asks:
Have you heard of the guy thta lost his left side?
He's all right now..
Have you heard of the guy thta lost his left side?
He's all right now..
"I can't be in your shoes, But I can be by your side.. and hold your hand in friendship."
-Scott Goober, (Boston Public)
-Scott Goober, (Boston Public)
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Dreamer - Site Admin
- Posts: 594
- Joined: Wed Oct 23, 2002 4:37 pm
- Location: Indiana, US
by Capricorn » Wed Dec 18, 2002 8:19 pm
Christmas joke
What would have happened if there had been 3 wise women instead of 3 wise men?
-they would have asked for directions
-helped deliver the baby
- cleaned the stable
-brought practical gifts
- and brought a casserole
But what would they have said as they were leaving?
"Did you see those sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"
"I hear Joseph isn't working just now"
"And the donkey they were riding has seen better days too!"
"Virgin my ass! I remember her at school!"
"That baby doesn't look a bit like Joseph"
"Want to bet on how long it will take her to get that casserole dish back!"
"Did you see that drummer boy? Mmmm, he can beat my drum anytime!"
What would have happened if there had been 3 wise women instead of 3 wise men?
-they would have asked for directions
-helped deliver the baby
- cleaned the stable
-brought practical gifts
- and brought a casserole
But what would they have said as they were leaving?
"Did you see those sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"
"I hear Joseph isn't working just now"
"And the donkey they were riding has seen better days too!"
"Virgin my ass! I remember her at school!"
"That baby doesn't look a bit like Joseph"
"Want to bet on how long it will take her to get that casserole dish back!"
"Did you see that drummer boy? Mmmm, he can beat my drum anytime!"
Laughter is better than any medicine the doctor can prescribe.
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Capricorn - Posts: 115
- Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2002 7:49 pm
- Location: U.K.
by Luc » Wed Dec 18, 2002 9:01 pm
hahahahaha 
that was a good one.. im still laughing
that was a good one.. im still laughing"The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence." - Lyman Bryson
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Luc - Posts: 360
- Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2002 4:59 pm
- Location: somewhere
by Dreamer » Wed Dec 18, 2002 10:26 pm
Q. What do they call Santa's helpers?
A. Subordinate Clauses
Q.What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
A. Krisp Kringle
Q. Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
A. Santa's little Elvis
Q. Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A. "Rude"olph
Q. Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
A. Deery Queen
Q.What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
A. Santa Claus-trophbia
The 4 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus. He looks like Santa Claus.
Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish
Q.What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A.Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Q.How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A. Fleece Navidad
Q.What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A.Frostbite
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood
Q.Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
A. Subordinate Clauses
Q.What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
A. Krisp Kringle
Q. Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
A. Santa's little Elvis
Q. Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A. "Rude"olph
Q. Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
A. Deery Queen
Q.What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
A. Santa Claus-trophbia
The 4 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus. He looks like Santa Claus.
Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish
Q.What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A.Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Q.How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A. Fleece Navidad
Q.What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A.Frostbite
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood
Q.Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
"I can't be in your shoes, But I can be by your side.. and hold your hand in friendship."
-Scott Goober, (Boston Public)
-Scott Goober, (Boston Public)
-
Dreamer - Site Admin
- Posts: 594
- Joined: Wed Oct 23, 2002 4:37 pm
- Location: Indiana, US
by Capricorn » Sat Dec 21, 2002 7:41 pm
A FAIRYTALE................CINDERELLA (PART TWO)
Cinderella is now 75 years old. Her handsome husband has died and she spends most of her time in her old rocking chair with her cat Prince on her lap.
One day her Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared to her in a puff of smoke and said "You have led such a good life I will grant you three wishes."
"I wish that I was wealthy," she said. Then her Fairy Godmother waved her magic wand, and instantly her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
Her poor cat had such a fright that he jumped offher lap and hid behind the curtain.
"Next wish" said the fairy godmother."I wish I was young and beautiful again,". The magic wand was waved and she was transfomed back in time to a beautiful young princess again. She felt wonderful, like she hadn't felt for years!
"You have one more wish,"sald the fairy godmother. "I wish you could turn my cat Prince, into a real prince," One last wave of the magic wand, and the cat was transformed into a very handsome young man. Before Cinderella had chance to thank her Fairy Godmother she was gone in a puff of smoke!.....leaving Prince and Cinderella together.
Their eyes met across the room, and he walked over and pulled her up into his strong arms. Whispering softly, he said
"I bet you wish you hadn't taken me to the vet to have my b*ll**ks cut off now, don't you!"
Cinderella is now 75 years old. Her handsome husband has died and she spends most of her time in her old rocking chair with her cat Prince on her lap.
One day her Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared to her in a puff of smoke and said "You have led such a good life I will grant you three wishes."
"I wish that I was wealthy," she said. Then her Fairy Godmother waved her magic wand, and instantly her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
Her poor cat had such a fright that he jumped offher lap and hid behind the curtain.
"Next wish" said the fairy godmother."I wish I was young and beautiful again,". The magic wand was waved and she was transfomed back in time to a beautiful young princess again. She felt wonderful, like she hadn't felt for years!
"You have one more wish,"sald the fairy godmother. "I wish you could turn my cat Prince, into a real prince," One last wave of the magic wand, and the cat was transformed into a very handsome young man. Before Cinderella had chance to thank her Fairy Godmother she was gone in a puff of smoke!.....leaving Prince and Cinderella together.
Their eyes met across the room, and he walked over and pulled her up into his strong arms. Whispering softly, he said
"I bet you wish you hadn't taken me to the vet to have my b*ll**ks cut off now, don't you!"
Laughter is better than any medicine the doctor can prescribe.
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Capricorn - Posts: 115
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- Location: U.K.
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