ok...i think this might be a little challenging for everyone...but who knows!! a lot of you poets are exceptionally strong in your poetry!!
This is always something I have trouble with when I'm writing...I either put in too much detail, or too little detail...but I really like detail because it gives the reader a good mental picture of what you're describing...soooo....
the topic, if you could call it a topic, is to write a poem (about anything you wish, mind you) with as much detail and vivid description you can possibly conjure up! Whoever has the most detail that has me able to picture it vividly...wins! I would suggest the poem be about something you are able to describe well, like the personality of a person or something of the like...so I wish everyone luck, and have fun with it, k!
*RinRin*
Week 14
16 posts
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by Luc » Sun Sep 07, 2003 9:17 pm
I was inspired by a song... with no name
i found it in a file in my computere tilted "unknown"
heard it and came up with this poem.
I also posted this already on the site.
Dream
A small girl,
About 10 years old,
Dress in a bright red coat,
And black shoes with white stocking,
She was running in a black and white forest,
It was dead and the snow bright real bright falling.
Her hair catching them,
No sound what so ever,
And she ran down a dirt path,
That was covered in snow,
She ran,
Not really running fast,
More like jogging but she ran,
And she knew she was being followed.
And in the shadows,
Dancing with the trees,
Keeping up with her holding the light for her,
Till she reaches heaven,
She runs,
Her scarlet tears coloring the air around her,
As she ran and the creature that followed her,
Smiled and kept on dancing flowing over her and around her,
Letting his presence known.
He smiles and cried looking down upon her,
She crying blood tears he lit the way with a bright light,
Guiding her to heaven.
She went into gods arms,
Being embraced in his arms,
And the creature stood there smiling,
Yet sadness touching his eyes,
He smiled and walked back sullenly,
Down the dirt road the little girl took.
He was the devil himself...
i found it in a file in my computere tilted "unknown"
heard it and came up with this poem.
I also posted this already on the site.
Dream
A small girl,
About 10 years old,
Dress in a bright red coat,
And black shoes with white stocking,
She was running in a black and white forest,
It was dead and the snow bright real bright falling.
Her hair catching them,
No sound what so ever,
And she ran down a dirt path,
That was covered in snow,
She ran,
Not really running fast,
More like jogging but she ran,
And she knew she was being followed.
And in the shadows,
Dancing with the trees,
Keeping up with her holding the light for her,
Till she reaches heaven,
She runs,
Her scarlet tears coloring the air around her,
As she ran and the creature that followed her,
Smiled and kept on dancing flowing over her and around her,
Letting his presence known.
He smiles and cried looking down upon her,
She crying blood tears he lit the way with a bright light,
Guiding her to heaven.
She went into gods arms,
Being embraced in his arms,
And the creature stood there smiling,
Yet sadness touching his eyes,
He smiled and walked back sullenly,
Down the dirt road the little girl took.
He was the devil himself...
"The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence." - Lyman Bryson
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Luc - Posts: 360
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- Location: somewhere
by Martin Vann » Mon Sep 08, 2003 10:41 am
Luc,
This is one DESCRIPTIVE poem, I can't think of a detail you left out, I saw her jogging, I saw the tears, I saw the light he carried and I felt the danger of him being on her trail. Then I felt the relief of peace, that the devil, lost and was sent back to hell.
This will be hard to beat, yet, I don't think we write just to compete, each challenger is a question and as poets, we look at our pen and say, "Do you have an answer for me?.., then thr trip beings, I love Dreamersreality, a paradise of thought.
Thanks Luc, this is super work!
MartinV
This is one DESCRIPTIVE poem, I can't think of a detail you left out, I saw her jogging, I saw the tears, I saw the light he carried and I felt the danger of him being on her trail. Then I felt the relief of peace, that the devil, lost and was sent back to hell.
This will be hard to beat, yet, I don't think we write just to compete, each challenger is a question and as poets, we look at our pen and say, "Do you have an answer for me?.., then thr trip beings, I love Dreamersreality, a paradise of thought.
Thanks Luc, this is super work!
MartinV
- Martin Vann
- Posts: 41
- Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2003 8:52 am
by RinRin » Tue Sep 09, 2003 2:23 pm
great luc!! i remember reading that poem at dreamer's! i liked it then, and i love it now! the detail, as Martin said, is very good and descriptive. wonderful wonderful!
*RinRin*
*RinRin*
I left a flower on the doorstep, a weed that still remembers me.
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RinRin - Posts: 173
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- Location: umm i don't remember
by Luc » Tue Sep 09, 2003 7:33 pm
thanks, thanks much, but im more than sure that you guys can come up with better stuff... rin rin with your imagination, martin with your way with words, and everyone has a thing to thier poetry. im sure someone will come up with something very spetaculer (sp!) and i cant wait to read it.
"The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence." - Lyman Bryson
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Luc - Posts: 360
- Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2002 4:59 pm
- Location: somewhere
by Brenda Michelle » Sat Sep 13, 2003 8:58 am
What I Want
when i see those hungry kids,
bones showing through their skin
their cheeks sucked up into their face
their eyes with a cold hared look of hunger
i want to be the one to help them.
when i see a child on the streets
begging for a place to live
selling red and white roses for money
giving their smaller brothers and sisters food first
thinking about them before they do themselves
holding up a cardboard sign and praying to God that someone will stop
I want to be the one to give them a home.
when hear the cry of a lonely child
no one to comfort them when they have a nightmare about death
no relitvies to give them a home
no one to love and care for them
they just wonder the cold dark allies
and the wide open streets
the only thing there with them is their old, dusty, brown teddybear
I want to be the one to care.
^^^^ well, there is my poem. i tried to use as much detail as i can. and luc... i really like your poem. it really does have alot of details!! great job. and i cant wait to read everyone elses poems.
when i see those hungry kids,
bones showing through their skin
their cheeks sucked up into their face
their eyes with a cold hared look of hunger
i want to be the one to help them.
when i see a child on the streets
begging for a place to live
selling red and white roses for money
giving their smaller brothers and sisters food first
thinking about them before they do themselves
holding up a cardboard sign and praying to God that someone will stop
I want to be the one to give them a home.
when hear the cry of a lonely child
no one to comfort them when they have a nightmare about death
no relitvies to give them a home
no one to love and care for them
they just wonder the cold dark allies
and the wide open streets
the only thing there with them is their old, dusty, brown teddybear
I want to be the one to care.
^^^^ well, there is my poem. i tried to use as much detail as i can. and luc... i really like your poem. it really does have alot of details!! great job. and i cant wait to read everyone elses poems.
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Brenda Michelle - Posts: 518
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2003 10:42 pm
by RinRin » Sun Sep 14, 2003 4:41 pm
geeze it's already sunday!! hmm...i'm thinkin i might wait a couple more days...what do you guys think? or are any more people going to submit?
*RinRin*
*RinRin*
I left a flower on the doorstep, a weed that still remembers me.
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RinRin - Posts: 173
- Joined: Thu Dec 19, 2002 9:00 am
- Location: umm i don't remember
by Brenda Michelle » Sun Sep 14, 2003 6:22 pm
actully i dont think that anymore will submit. but you can wait if you want just to see if anyone does. thank you for liking my poem rin rin.
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Brenda Michelle - Posts: 518
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2003 10:42 pm
i think i'll wait another day or two..just in case..
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