Ocd by Holly

Obsessive…

Plan my day meticulously,
Dead on every hour.
To have everything so rigid and organised,
Gives me a feeling of power.
Can’t afford to miss a thing,
Or I get quite manic.
If my schedule is disrupted,
It sends me into panic.
Can’t afford to lose track of the time,
When I do I go insane.
I keep away from the things that make that,
Happen again and again.

Compulsive…

The only way to control myself,
Is to know what’s ahead.
If anyone were to disrupt my routine,
I’d probably want them dead.
I guess it’s become my way of coping,
So I don’t lose the plot.
Control over everything I have.
Is really all I’ve got.
I’ve even started to avoid the things,
That make me lose track of time.
Like the computer, or pointless conversations,
For these things I no longer pine.

Disorder…

I never thought myself different from others,
At least when it comes to this.
In one sense it controls my life,
Or is it I controlling it?
All I know is it helps me through,
Keeps me from falling apart.
I’m numbing myself to get through the day,
Using my head not my heart.

It's worth mentioning that I don't think I actually have OCD, I just wanted to use the premise of it for the structure of this poem. Though I may be borderlining on it, not sure.

Mike (82.35.78.155) -- Wednesday, July 6 2005, 09:01 am

..
"I'm numbing myself to get through the day, Using my head not my heart." I understand exactly what you mean by that.. People think you're cold and heartless, when you're only trying to survive. I think I'm the opposite of what you've said about avoiding pointless things, though. I use the computer as an escape from reality.

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