Crying, face red, itchy…
Sobbing, clenching shirt, trying to breathe…
“Deep breaths” I tell myself…
Eyes shut, knelt down, rocking back and forth…
Head in palms now…
“F*ck!” “F*ck!”
Inhale, trying to gain air…
A string of saliva rolls out of my mouth…
Head wants to explode, eyes heavy…
“F*ck it, f*ck it, f*ck it”
Voice muffled and weak-like…
Dark thoughts…
Suicidal thoughts…
Punch a nearby pillow…
Feeling the urge to regurgitate..
Coughing…
Inhale, exhale..
Rests face in palms once more, this time longer…
Sniff…
Shuts eyes, sees black…
Try to forget…
Nothing but deep breathing…
Face still in hands…
Clenches hair…
Rock back and forth…
Raises head…
Not blinking; thinking…
Arms crossed against chest, flattens each hand on either side of stomach…
Kneels over, drops to floor, knees bent, arms on stomach…
Exhausted…
The need to sleep…
Passes out…

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