Disloyal. by Sicklust

i wanna believe that i can do this
baby you lost me
between the absence
of phone conversations
and black nail polish
i can't control this
not even for you
i don't understand
why you keep disappearing
do you not want to be at my side?
answer me
even though you fought to get me back
so hard
and so long
after months of patience
after months of pain
after stress became strength
you were still there
but was i not there?
answer me
did i not love you enough
want you enough
did i not sacrifice enough
if you did, it's my fault
why do you give me reasons
to not act like myself
to waste six dollars
10 times a week
on 20 cigarettes
to trash my bedroom
and to be displaced
to feel mistreated and abused
as though you've beat me
to death
and i am crying
mentally not physically
of course but did i beat you?
answer me
to the point where
you could not live
did i make you cry
is it that i deserve
to be abandoned
a second time?
and yet i ask
so many questions
and yet you leave me
with no answers
you only betray me
with a smugness
i cannot describe
an irreverence
i did not expect
you leave me
to nothing
with nothing to say
because i cannot speak
you have stripped me
of my words
and of my love
and in the end
i can only plead
that i am not disowned
because i'm so tired
of incessantly
being left alone
answer me-
why does my strength
fail me now.

He was leaving for the second time, for reasons I couldn't understand. And I wanted him to stay.

Jim (64.12.116.5) -- Thursday, August 3 2006, 08:23 pm

ANSWER ME!
d, i like the way you use this line---answer me---makes the poem more believable and powerful...and as far as smoking, stop it! ;)

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