Unwilling by Marion Carroll

He said, 'My Daddy was a drunkard,
and I grew up so ashamed,
by the way he acted just like trash,
and gave our family a bad name.'

And he said, 'I won't be like him,
and die all alone and broke.'
Then I watched him pour yet another drink,
that held way more Crown, than Coke.

He said, 'My Mama was abusive,
and she beat me all the time.
And she never said that she loved me.
Being her kid, was a crime.'

And he said, 'I won't be like her,
because I love my family.'
Whatever I said must have made him mad,
and he raised his hand to me.

He said, 'I watched my brothers and sisters,
become addicts and drunks and whores.
It makes me sick to think of how
they all could have been much more.'

And he said, 'I won't be like them,
and fall into the same trap.
Then I found his paraphanalia,
and knew he was full of crap.

Though the sins of his parents, befell him,
he was unwilling to make the changes,
to be anything more than what they were.
So the truth, he re-arranges.

Such famous last words. He believes them.
But it's my life, I must pursue.
And I look in the mirror, and say to myself,
'To thine own self, be true.'

It's not me that he hates. No. It's them.
But that's not my problem at all.
I refuse to pay for his troubled past
by being his punching ball.

I find it strange that he can not see,
beyond his own delusions.
But the blush is off this wilted rose.
I no longer have my illusions.

In the morning when he awakens,
amongst the broken bottles of glass,
he'll find me gone. I wish him well.
As of now, he can kiss my ass.

Catyrose (128.123.85.206) -- Sunday, October 22 2006, 11:40 pm

Full of emotion!
I hope this fiction. It's amazing isn't it how one can point the finger at others for their problems. Like my grandma used to say. When u point the finger at someone else there's always two pointing back at you. Hope this person gets the message. The woman in the poem certainly has, and it takes courage to get out of this type of situation. Love the last line :) Great poem, MC. The emotions come thru loud and clear. Loved it!

MC (152.163.100.5) -- Saturday, November 11 2006, 04:00 am

Thanks, Caty
It's very difficult for a person to recognize their own problems, especially when they are drowning themselves in alcohol and drugs, and abusive behaviours. I always appreciate your comments.

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