So I sit here, the weather isn’t sure if it wants to rain or just look un-healthy for a while, not thinking about the words as usual that type from my fingertips, I just type and it’s like free-verse but only through my hands instead. Its magical, the way you can just look at somebody and hope your not an idiot by saying you feel like you can already picture exactly what’s in their minds about a certain situation, and by situation im sure you know what im talking about.

Wasting away as the day is passing through my realm, I’ve taken what I know to be somewhat of a normal life and turned it around into maybe an even circumstance, but more of a confused look upon fate.

Kind of like this time it’s disappointed me but in another sense that’s just an excuse to throw it upon something illogical. Waking up to one thing and ended up in another world according to your mind is what some people can call insane.

After being dealt a deck full of curiosity, being dealt a dream, something though you realize you do have control over. And then enjoying the results, after a night of drinking and controlled selfishness. A simple little nothing, some things just go away after a while, though when you realize it’s 2 sided and both of you have your own separate lives, this nothing turns into a multi-million dollar production on film.

It keeps piling up and gathering up everything around it like snow, blending in so much that it doesn’t seem anything but normal to feel this way. Feeling like im walking alone on a cloudy day, down some road with nothing around me, just having a destination with no idea what time or what day I’ll reach it.

One voice from more than one song freezes time for me puts me in a trance and turns my life into knots of yearning pain. For something that I already have, it’s crazy, like a dream state. But this reality worries me, I’ve done everything one way my whole life and now turning things around, I’ve been given everything and more and I only want to give that right back and then some. But because of how things are, it’s not that easy to just have things going perfect one moment in time and then finding out that you are back to square one before you even knew what life was about.

The way it can be erased, though that’s not rational, nor conceivable. Without looking that’d either create chaos from one side or so much thinking that after a few poems and writings, one will have to say something to the other. You can’t escape fate, they say it’s true, real, something that pre-determines our lives no matter what.

They say it works in mysterious ways, treating you the piece of cake good or bad that has been dealt in your direction maybe by another source or person. So if you don’t feel bad for doing bad, then maybe it’s happened to you.

A precious look, smile, glance, something delicate, like the blink of an eyelash, something innocent, forgetting everything that should have been said or done and just going with fate and it’s beautiful way of showing you that there is more to your life.

Crying out for maybe attention or something deeper. Maybe the feeling that’s mutual is something that’s was destined. They don’t ever talk to each other and then they talk like they’ve known each other for years when in reality they’ve never actually carried one conversation.

So no time for what if’s because that leads to an eternal wall of nothing. No doors to go through when you are looking in that direction. Only windows to empty places, you just go on with life and let whatever happens just plain and simple happen. Speaking to somebody without worrying, though again you don’t know him, your just laughing and smiling because your so out of control with your actual senses because your mind is telling you something you’ve never actually had to deal with.

Like life is telling you its either time to move on, or telling you that your even, or telling you that the next few days, weeks, months or whatever will be as confusing and a puzzle that doesn’t have all the pieces to it until it’s ready to show it’s true feelings.

Speaking in phrases, perfect sentences because you can mistake the look when she smiled at you, there wasn’t anybody else around you when that incident came upon you, it was like the world melted and it happened.

Can you honestly tell me how to pay attention to what I have to do each day when life’s dealt me a perfect deck? Somebody is either saying here’s something, maybe you can run with it and life’s journey just got better. Or is it saying, lets see if you can deal with everything so far lets put this on your table and lets see how you control this one.

Only way would be the impossible. Digging deeper into a whole or jumping up and down in joy because of a simple rain drop or curiosity that turned a normal man into a boy with the hint of fun and relaxation.

People would tell me to do the right thing, though in this case the right thing is only what you feel in your soul. Tell me what that is, and ill tell you what I’ll do.

Whispers of living in a clear and perfect moral world is impossible, boring, not fun, and well things will disappear and you will never discover if your life will be that fairytale movie or just a speck of dust cluttered in the corner of a shelf.

You put more stuff onto a table then you know what to deal with, some people say that they don’t have the time, I look at it and say, well at least I’ll always have something to do and won’t be bored.

Deprived I guess would be a word to describe somebody in need of something they want and can’t have. Though it’s nothing more than a simple glance or dream, the hand that collapse from the life source, the breathe of air, the moment standing still in time, they locked, the overwhelming silence, and then nothing, a second glance into the future, a faded memory, and it was all a dream, just withering away because life’s of this matter though are true, are just a false reality of something that wasn’t suppose to happen.

Something to kill time, something to let you know your human, something that doesn’t necessarily bother you, just takes a minute to glance at and wonder why you would bother being in that predicament in the first place.

If words are the calming source to the soul, then im set with my ways, though the words I speak of don’t ever actually get used in verbal sentences because they only come from mind. Too powerful and too quiet to actually be worked into somebody’s actual day to day life.

Never having a complete look at life, it’s like you know, you can’t be mad anymore, like there is not one reason, either your even or your just a complete wandering idiot of emotions, of what could of and would of happened if there were no worries and life was set back as it once was. Trying to re-live something is ridiculous, I’ve done this, it can’t happen the way it’s imagined, your life is already on pace and too fast to even fathom keeping up to try re-living something that you dreamt up one night or wanted in a situation back when you were that age.

I guess it’s always going to be a part of me, and honestly with how things turn out I can never do anything about it, fading away day by day, only looking to what’s ahead and listening to nerves that will never make any kind of sense.

Trapped, now walking alone again inside, though with the ring of compassion, the ring of love, the ring that for some reason isn’t working anymore. You try and try for so long for something incredible to work out to realize if they don’t want it to. Then it was just never meant to happen that way or your life wouldn’t have tossed you the cutter that went right through your heart like a knife wound that may of actually saved your life.

Like there is something more out there to do before you die, it wasn’t your time to be this way that early, its only meant to put you in the direction that forces you to have more pain and remorse and eventually settle down again in 10 years when you wont realize or care how remotely close you were to something great at a young point in your life.

Who reads these can only see how clear my thoughts actually are, they sound boggled and uncontrolled at times but they have meaning and a life of their own in a way. There’s only one that hears my thoughts that knows my pain and they know who they are, they can feel what I feel even when im a moron, like we’ve known each other forever and we both know where we are headed wont be complete until our day has arrived.

Suffering isn’t something that comes with the fake, the ones that like money that see their lives as incomplete without something physical in front of them, suffering is when you have all of that and could throw it all away for compassion. And deal with the pain knowing that something even more great risked everything knowing that it might be a long battle but when it’s said and done, happiness is on the other side.

Going for a walk on a cold afternoon, wanting to be able to think but not able just listening to the sounds of a song that makes too much sense to me, and feeling the cold breeze pass by me just to kill time and let the world go on with it’s ways.

Calming all nerves because in reality it’s life, how it should be, things happen for a reason, the spark came from the minute we said hi, and I think we both knew that it was bound to happen or it wouldn’t of. No longer curious, just wanting nothing more then what has already happened, just a simple little bit of life will lead me to my next day, and then repeat itself and uncontrolled I’ll let it lead me to where I’ve always intended to be. Because there’s obviously nothing I can do to control it, but if there was, im sure it would have still gone in the same direction that it has, in only one night.