Giving into time, I'm waking up again. Breathing in that deep special morning. A cool breeze, a frost morning smell outside my parents house in my old neighborhood. It's sunny still, never forgetting that blue sky, and how it looks, it’s something I’ll take with me even when I'm long gone. How the hillside looks endless and full of possibilities.

Taking my childhood for granted and then growing up so fast. Not even able to fathom who I was a few years ago as to whom I am now. You ask for so much growing up hoping for the endless list of wishful thinking that may or may not come your way.

Maybe it’s a smile you get that makes someone happy, maybe its how the trees look as the windless breeze hits your eyes looking up at them where you grew up. Or maybe it’s just that kind feeling you get when you realize you are walking the same path as the one that is always standing by your side.

Putting aside dilemma’s of your job, taking a walk away in your mind from pointless family drama’s and issues that really wont matter in a few hours or days or weeks. What means the most to you. What makes you who you are today. What are you doing with yourself that shows you a solid finish and a brand new beginning to your life.

The 20 or so minute drive to work on a early summer morning, that tickles your senses and turns your head to one angle as the sun hits the street in front of you as you drive. All this leading you to smile. Happy for where you are and its early, not smiling because of work, but for the obvious.

I can see where ill be now in the future and Its nothing I had planned. It’s nothing I ever thought I’d be doing. Its quite the opposite of where I thought I’d be but totally and unspeakably perfect. How the quiet hillside overlooking nothing but another hillside, away from anything, but the sun light , your small older farmhouse, a barn with a couple horses, a big yard that’s taken care of, and a lot of peace and quiet.

My mother grew up on a farm, though I never thought I’d be that guy to want to live like one. I grew up in suburbia. Totally the opposite way of thinking. Though not realizing how rich and quiet and perfect things were. Taking life for granted again I didn’t realize how much a stream could or couldn’t affect the way of life. Where I grew up it was just a stream, either controlled by the back of your house, nothing to serious. Not realizing it's something that could make or break you. But I wont get into all of that.

My life's changed a lot in under a year. Before Melissa, city life and where I was before her was my way of life. Older shiny car, completely away from wilderness, loud parties, always drinking, always living day to day, not a single worry where I’d be in the future because the future wasn’t something to looked forward to, even when I was married to my ex, I was so miserable that I drank my life away which is why she’s my ex.

Have you ever truly lost yourself in something. I mean truly taken a good look at your life and wondered what you were doing with it. Not financially or any of the stereotypical bullshit of what people think you should be doing with yourself. I met Melissa and I remember the shield that she put up to protect herself from heartache, and how I remember talking about how slowly I broke through that shield and the true Melissa, that beautiful funny, optimistic girl came out of her again. I made her smile. Not realizing she was doing the same to me but much, much more then she realized.

It’s night now, and you can smell the summer just around the corner, Living in Whitney Point. Where I never thought I’d end up. Feeling more like home than I can explain, like im supposed to be here. Everything with her, The outsider life I guess. Where hard work is worth it because you don’t get paid to keep things looking good. Where you brush a horse and it looks at you with kind eyes. What im trying to say I guess is where she’s taken me to. This place I never thought Id live in, is where I was always supposed to be. Away from the noise, away from it all, but close enough to see home when I want and my family. Not just bring nature, and animals that I love, and a realistic, more satisfying way of living back to my peace of mind, but everything you look for in not only a person, but your way of thinking.

That happy feeling you get whenever you go to your parents house after not seeing them for a while. But everyday is like that with her and at our house. The idea that I’ll be able to someday step out onto my back porch over looking a hillside with my cup of coffee. The simple opening of the creaky screen door that leads back into the house. Its hard to explain. If somebody were to paint a picture of my life, or write a story, the picture would be Melissa and I holding hands no matter where you put us.

I ramble. It’s like in every writing of mine I get into a tangent. It’s because my mind is mentally talking to somebody even though nobody truly reads these things anyways. But this time without my coffee. Without worries about time and having to work in the morning. Without thinking about how I didn’t light a candle. Just knew that I had to get some thoughts out of my head. If I could marry her today I would. I love her so much. And I don’t know how many words can express the greatness her heart has dealt mine. Forever thankful, like looking up at the blue sky on a frosted summer morning. Like the smell of summer looking up at the trees. And that windless breeze that hits your emotions as you gaze into your thoughts every morning. She’s why I live, why I breathe. Why I can smile, tear up, and hold onto her tight. Every Night, for the rest of my life. Never thinking I’d get to give my whole heart to somebody. She once used these words in a poem to me. I re-read it and it defines everything I feel about her. When I hold onto her, I feel like Im home. Where I was always supposed to be. I Love you Melissa