I miss my mother.
I wonder what she was like...
what she thought about, and what those thoughts were...
what her favorite songs were, and if she knew the words to any of them...
what movies she liked, and if it was for the story line or the actors...
what books she'd read, and what she thought about the content, and the authors...
what foods she liked over other foods, and why...
what she thought were the important things that had happened to her in her life...
what experiences she'd had that she liked to remember...
how she spent her days, what she did, where she went, if she went out...
what kind of weather she liked, and what kind of moods the weather put her in...
if she had any regrets, and what changes she would have made in her life...
if she was happy, and what made her happy...
what things made her worry, what things made her smile...
what dreams she'd had, and if she had given up on any of them...
what she thought of me, if she ever thought of me...
if she knew how to show affection and love, or if those feelings were even in her...
how she looked at her life, and if she liked it, didn't like it, or just accepted it...

I lived at home with her until I was seventeen, then I went into the Army.
I miss her, sometimes, and then I realize that it's not that I miss her --
actually, I missed her,... or maybe she missed me.
Either way, we never connected, were really never mother and son,
and I guess we were both cheated out of that experience, somehow,
and I have nothing to look back on, to remember,
and I will never really know just how much I miss my mother.

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