Long ways to the summit
a continuously steep scale that forever
tricks me on this road of existence
a personal internal Mount Olympus
climbing for so long
to just barley make it out of
the underworld of questions
and self-deprivation

My hands begin to bleed
grasping jagged rocks beneath
the spearheads shearing weighted wishes,
intelligent thought,
misguided emotions elongated from a beautiful stare
twisting me in all ways,
then in settled happiness
a love lost
to the winds forever gone, yet with
a constant presence
a reminder that that was
the best it might of ever been

My bones strain under the demands
of the hobgoblin laws that nature runs by
as the blizzard chill draws nearer
my skin freezes and cracks to
sand paper being, leaving
me only to ask my God why
is it that I’m left in this heated war?

A total war of myself
secluded on an island of humility
he hinders my legs
and I do best to jump the hurdles
he withholds my identity
so I succumb and make due
always attempting a smile
then
He gives me a period of loneliness
I do not understand
leaving me to just
wait patiently, on faith
for something, possibly anything new
to come and help me breath
let him just give me a sign
that life as I know it
is still somehow alive
and I’m not left forgotten
a purpose rests beneath

But I’m absent with this feeling of
constant question of why it is
I continue to choose this climb
this nearly lost battle
the pinnacle never in true sight
instead merely a mirage teasing
my eyes
my heart
my sanity
The well being of who I am
and that of which I wish
I could be
but never endured for so long
anything like this
I’m left reluctantly confused
lost in the state of vertigo
a lacking of oxygen
my muscles grow slowly closer
to the brink of failure

All the paths corrupted and burdened

To the left, whiskey on the breath
unchanged status of the previous night
with nothing erased, only left over with
a side pain of wanting to
try again
an already failed attempt of
believing this here bottle will
alleviate my sorrows
neither Jack nor Jim can
help me at this point
but instead only lead me back to
original infractions


And to the right, attempted communications
with the opposite sex,
(an all-together improbable equation
with the current status)
in hopes that I may find another
but always denied due to diminutive imperfections
when if just given the chance
they themselves could see just how
majestic I can almost be
for I would enjoy perfection
but that ecstasy can only
be completed by one of them
roadblock after roadblock
the right path seems to minor itself
each passing day

Last but never the least
the way forward most convenient
yet fogged by
evaporating prophetic words that I only wish
could or would someday be true by her lips
but hope grows dim
as the train leaves the station
waving goodbye knowing
Bill Withers had it right when he
said there ain’t no sunshine

Back tracking no longer an option
due to last mudslide of self-inflicting desires
I dare not go back to the beginning
the reset button busted clenched fists
perhaps let me forget that last
wishful kiss
because there just has to be something more
something better
something warmer
given a feeling of having everything
and yet instantaneously stripped
of my smiles
I can only be nothing more
or less than forced content


Yet I continue this climb
Shifting in all befuddling directions
perhaps out of a feeling of
obligation to those around me
the tendons within grow tired
feeling them slowly snap apart brittle
from the exhaustion this labyrinth
throws at me
a perilous journey I see
no end to
my faith struggles more
an aura of misunderstanding engulfing
when truly all I long for
is a simple closure
all stories must have a good ending
I search not for the end of my story
but however, a ending to this chapter
to begin the resolution phase
to where I can find a copious peace
and live happily
that special warmth by my side
all that was wrong rectified

For my these palms bleed
as does all in me
I just need to know
that there’s an end to lead to
the beginning

somewhere

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Copyright©2017-1999 by Rebecca R. Hammack

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