Once more forgotten, cast aside
The seconds, minutes, hours pass ever so slowly
Alone again, naturally
Exhaustion takes over
Storm clouds hover in the distance
Bursting at the seams
Filled with tears that refuse to fall
Thoughts belonging to another
Continue to rob me of my focus for yet one more day
For a time I engaged in counterfeit love, with all it’s nuance of caring
A sense of belonging I mistakenly clung to
These “fantasy” good times, they never do last
For they only existed in a dream world, never in reality
Just another elaborate series of lies I told myself
I feel abandoned
My throat is tight
Words lie trapped in the back of my throat
Feelings long submerged threaten to rise to the surface
I am a frightened child who has waited and waited and waited ever so patiently
But today I want to scream
To give voice to these feelings I’ve held at bay for so long
Oh God! Far too long!
The emotional mind takes over
Feelings of longing mixed with rage
The reasonable mind reminds me that I have made choices, albeit foolish ones
The wise mind offers forgiveness for surrendering to my humanity
The words of my elders ring out in my ears
Confirming my worst fears
That this pain, this tormet is well deserved
It is my punishment for falling into the embrace of one who belonged to another
I am damned for being such a fool
For discarding my values, my sense of integrity
Yet one more time I have won, the consolation prize that belongs to those discarded
I am alone again, naturally

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