How does one talk to God?
How do you find God?

Is it like being alone in a park
On a late afterrnoon?
Sitting on a bench,until a stranger comes by
And greets you with "Hi"
You find yourself unexpectant of an answer...
Or someone familiar questions "why are you
here?"
And you shape your face a smile and say "oh,
nothing. I'm just here sitting"
Sitting, unmindful of the giggling children
Boucing the rust coated see-saws
Swaying the age melted metal swings
Just let them be...and take the creaks in silence
Sitting, letting gush of the late afternoon wind
Paint my face with dust without complaining
Sitting silently watching the dying sun
Slowly sinking, dragging time into the blackness
of the ocean?
Waiting... until the grass on the park
Becomes a blanket for moving shadows
Unknown shadows ... shapeless images
Scattered like broken maps
Of stains of grape juice on the rug
I would wonder if they are waiting for God too
Shadows can not speak, they just move
They form images and shapes
Maybe this is their way of letting God know
That despite their mutenes
They wish to talk to Him too

Is it like waiting in a crowded restaurant
Where I say "table for two"
And yet....never really know who would come
To dine with me...to sit accross the table
To ask me "how's your day become?"
Not knowing when the arrival of this visitor be
And wonder what would he say...
"Sorry I'm late...had to deal with some other
appointments..."
"It's ok. I just arrive here myself", I would say?
A lie just to be polite
And yet some unbecoming remark
Would be lurking at the back of my mind
Telling me "leave if no one shows up in 5
minutes"...

To talk to God some would say:
"Go to a room or some secluded place
Away from others who might gossip
Of what you will do
Make sure it is silent and you're all alone
Close your eyes and medidate...think
Like you are not thinking
Free your mind of all worries and anxities
Empty your heart from the bitterness of grudge
Your heart must plead and it should be humble
Then cast your prayers..."

Yes I can always find a room
That is silent and where I can be alone
All by myself, yes....
I can always lock the door tight
Close the windows and draw the curtains down
Turn off the lights and let the darkness embrace
me....
Yes, and be all by my being
Sit and wait ....think deep but not thinking...

But what if mind is a room itself
Filled with chaotic voices
The noise inside banging on top of my head
Pounding on my temples
A gamut of voices ...like serpents hissing
Like a coffe pot boiling hard ...whistling
They hunt me like they want to drill
A hole to break free
Voices that speak of worries, my confusions
My cry for help....
My heart is humble yet it speaks too
No, I hear shouts of pleadinng
Cast by my heataches
And every shout, every cry cuts me
Tormenting me like i'm tied within barbed wires

If you were to talk to God
How do you start?

I find myself now
Mute like the shadows
Still calming the voices,
The banging and the pounding
Forced to open the doors of my eyes
Salty bittter tars fall like cascades
Of an unending search ...of longing
And when I start to call out unto Him
I hope he will be there waiting

Amen

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