I've had this dream twice, so far.
I don't want to have it again,
because I know it goes nowhere good,
for me,
nowhere that can be helpful
or leave me with a feeling of anyting but unease.
All it does is stress me out,
make me upset,
and it gives me no option at all.
No chance.
And I'm left with that.

In my dream,
I am following you up a long flight of stairs,
steep stairs, with handrails,
out in the open,
perhaps up a cliffside,
as it seems that way, with open sky all around.
And you are 'way up above me,
nearing the top,
and I am nearly at the bottom,
trying to catch up to you,
but I'm not able to.

Once you reach the top,
you will be gone,
I know that,
and I will have no chance.
For what?
I'm not sure, really,
but it's important,
very important,
that I catch up to you,
and I am imploring you to slow down,
to wait,
but you won't do that.

There is something in the dream
that tells me that I have to ask you a question,
or possibly more than just one question,
and that you have the answer, or answers,
and I so desperately need that from you.
The urgency and importance of it reaches inside me
with a talon-like grip,
squeezing, tearing, crushing,
and all I can see is you nearing the top of the stairs,
not even looking back down toward me,
as if you are determined to get away,
as if... as if I don't matter to you.

That's it, I think.
That's what my dream is trying to explain to me.
I'm not certain,
but it makes sense,
since there is nothing for us,
really,
other than what we have now,
and that is nothing.
So that would make sense.
But I wonder about the question I feel I must get an answer to,
or the questions...

In the dream I am telling myself,
"If she will only tell me,
then it will be all right,
then I will have the knowledge I need.
My happiness depends on her telling me."

Telling me what?
I don't know.
In the dream everything is so close,
but so far away,
and so unobtainable.
I seem to know this,
and my mind will not allow me to catch up to you,
because, perhaps,
I do not want to know what your words will be?
Because I think I might already know what they will be,
what your thoughts are,
what your feelings are,
if, in fact, that is what the dream is about.

But I have no idea what it is about, really.
It is just a dream.
A very real dream
that I awaken from trembling,
and I can't understand that, either.
I cannot interpret my own dreams,
and I cannot keep having this one...
I hope and pray it doesn't return again,
because for some reason,
it is frightening.
I'm afraid to try to sleep any more.
I wish that I could sleep again.

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