Depression....? PTSD....? Who knows why?s

Your days are constantly miserable;
nothing goes right,
everything is wrong,
you can't fix it.
No matter what you try,
how you try,
you can't feel good about anything any more.
During the daytime you are frustrated,
angry, hurt....
it wasn't supposed to be this way.

But at night,
when you go to bed,
if you are fortunate, you sleep;
in sleep is the safe haven
from the reality of the world you live in any more.
In sleep, sometimes, you dream,
and in those dreams you are happy,
comfortable, warm, safe,
and you like those dreams.
Every morning when you waken,
you remember bits and pieces of those dreams
like long ago memories of a better time.

The dreams come once in a while,
and you enjoy them;
they are safety, they are comforting,
they are what you do not have in the daylight.

Eventually, every time you start to leave the dreams,
when you start to waken,
you know that your dream world is ending,
and you don't want it to end,
you want to stay there,
you want to fight waking....
but you waken anyway.
To another day of what hurts.

What if, one day,
you are able to stay in your dream?
What if, somehow,
your subconscious says, "All right, stay...."
and you stay!??

I have dreams like this all the time any more.....

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