The sun shining on the hillside, trees in different colors splashed all over,
you start to feel a little better....
You turn away a moment, then turn back.
Suddenly it all goes to hell again.
I want to get drunk....
Blind, stinking, knee-walking then low-crawling drunk.
Then I want to try to stand up,
and find myself unable to do it right,
and I want to fall over,
and in falling, I want to hit my head on something,
hard.
I want to be knocked out unconscious requiring an ambulance
and be taken to the hospital
and end up in a room,
plugged into machines,
in a coma.
A heavy coma.
I want to lay there, not knowing anything,
a catheter tube in front,
a diaper on my butt,
and the nurses turning me every once in a while
so I don't develop bed sores.
Eventually someone will decide
to just pull the damn plug.
I won't mind.

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