Funny how a scene from a great disney movie can make ya pause, glance away, come back, shake your head, smile.. and know everything is going to be alright..

The scene im referring to is in the movie The Lion King.. as a kid watching that, i'd never think that at 33, i'd see a quote from it and laugh silently..
when Rafiki bonks Simba on the head with a stick, Simba says it hurts, and ask's why he did that.. Rafiki says doesnt matter it's in the past, the past hurts, but what matters is if you learn from it...

Time will never stand still, if you let it though, it'll fly past ya, though one minute at a time, you'll look back and swear it was moving faster than the speed of light..

I tried my best, tried and failed to be who i wasnt, everyones got things about them that they'll look back and be disappointing in.. but what happens after that is what is most important..

I didnt like who I was, who i was shutting out of my life, if i kept acting and doing that i'd end up alone, distant from everyone, but even farther from myself.. No matter what demons were whispering in my thoughts, I had many great people, great memories, that kept those demons distant enough to find myself again.

Lets go back, way back, before I worried about things, as a kid what I thought was just me living is now a very important memory..

I always liked a certain chair a the dining room table at my grandparents house, I would color as a child in random coloring books, but this specific chair would be directly in front of a certain window..
My grand parents had big pine trees that surrounded their home, and sometime it wouldnt let the sun shine in, but this window was one window where you always saw the sun beam through, just enough to light up the dark room, the dark brown furniture, and enough to give me warmth and comfort..

They had a swing set, one im sure sat out there brand new as my mother was a child, because by the time I had found it as a kid, my brothers and I would prick ourselves on the weathered down metal, the rusted chains that held up the seats of the swings...but we'd do our best anyway and enjoy what little was there to entertain ourselves..

I remember my grandmas asking my younger brother and I to paint the molding around her windows, from the green that it was to a bolder blue color.. in my head when I see the house its still green.

I now understand the peace that surrounded them living where they did, because I too get to live that peace out here. Remembering the way i'd hit pebbles that i'd find with a wiffleball bat across bearswamp road into the weeds, how everything to me was so unfamiliar, but left such an impression.

They had this out of tune piano, and old organ, above on the wall hung a picture.. It looked like my grandfather in the picture but i knew it was just meant as some man, with a bucket in his hand, chickens surrounded this farm scene, there was a kid or two and a big red barn in the picture. I knew nothing of this life back then, but I absolutely loved that picture. I'd stare at it, sometimes picture myself living that way, wondering if I could ever work hard enough and still be happy to live that life.

You see I had it pretty easy as a child and never put the puzzle together. I took a lot for-granted and never looked at it through others eyes.

An everyday sunday for me meant no real responsibility.. You cant enjoy your life until you slow down look back and realize that the time seems to be distant and never existing anymore..

My parents let me make my own mistakes, and I have made a lot of them, as much as i've made, even after shutting them out of my life for a year, they still love me. Somewhere in December of last year, my soul hit the reset button, put an image in my mind of what really matters. I do look at my life different now. Nobody can change that, I at once shut my wife, my family, and God out of my life. Now they are the most important factors that keep my heart beating.., keep me believing that I am here for a great reason..

I help people for a living, not sure how I ended up doing this, its stressful at times, but it makes sense to me, I just got done working almost two weeks straight and couldnt wait for my weekend to start..though words from a patients family member as I departed their home, put a lot into perspective. This person was dreading having me there, doing what I can to help them as a family, overwhelmed with stressors that didnt actually physically exist, but with everything they are going through in their lives, everything being chaotic, they had a sense of urgency that this would be just as bad, if not more..
When I was leaving, I was thanked, with gratitude, genuine happiness, for easing their minds, making them comfortable, and less worried about anything. If this is all I do for the rest of my life, helping others, making sure they are okay, then as long as I can provide for my family and make others smile, i'll continue to work hard doing so...

Ill keep reliving those good memories of my grandparents home, several others i do not need to mention, and keep those bad ones at bay, they are still there reminding me of who i've become, as a story, Of where God has intended me to be.
I've noticed the best times in my life happen to be when Im not over thinking, im just living, doing right by others, and putting smiles on the ones around me.
"""im right where Im supposed to be""" .. great quote, ill leave it at that. Because im the better me that I know I can be, and without those bad times behind me I wouldn't know this person I have become today.
Be yourself, but most important, be what others around you might inspire to be like, lift others up any way you can, so when you go to sleep, rest your eyes, and breathe out, you can comfortably, remember everyone's got history, everyone's got a story and grows from them, but also remember, everyone enjoys smiling, a good laugh, sunshine, relaxation, a good book, a ball game, birds singing, crickets chirping.. whatever makes them happy, be that person in the present tense that in the lives around you, people see good in.