NEIGHBORHOOD GARAGE SALE DAY.....

(CAN'T WAIT.... - WELL I SURE CAN, REALLY)

Garage Sale Day....
Heavy-set lady bouncing down the street, so proud of the fact that she has the biggest and brightest orange fanny pack in all of greater Binghamton....
The cars and trucks roaming, circling, coming back around, slowing down, almost getting rear-ended by the gawkers behind them...
Then someone leaps from his vehicle, half trots, half runs to the driveway... wants to get there ahead of the other guy....
...for an egg carton full of golf balls for only a dollar! Well, almost full - there's 11 in there - the seller says that's why it's only a dollar - if it was full he would want a buck and a half.
...for any of the six golf bags behind the table holding the several egg cartons of golf balls -- each bag with a few golf clubs in them, none matching, none of any particular use, and none in good shape, unless you really like rust and slight dings.
...for a small cardboard box lid holding 6 small scented candles that had only been lit one time each... a rare find for just two dollars!
...for a set of bumper stickers showing that the owner has been in nearly all of the lower 48 states... only Idaho and Missouri are missing... but to the lucky buyer - only four bucks!!
...for a slightly dented and very rusted old metal lunch pail with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on the cover, and Disney World on the sides, and Made In China on the edge... That's right - take it home right now for just ten bucks! Handle? Don't know where that went to..
....for a shoebox nearly full of old, discolored and creased postcards from all over everywhere, including a lot of places you probably never heard of before... History in pictures, right there in your hand! The whole "collection," for just five bucks! Try to find that on eBay!
...for a box full of old VCR tapes, various golf and exercise and how-to and motivational... free!
...for a box full of old records - scratched up, and some are quite warped - a buck apiece, or the whole box for 20 bucks! Now that is a deal for sure!
...for a bag of old kid clothes - mostly socks and t-shirts with faded cute images on them... two bucks. The smells from kid vomit are free, as are the stains.
...for another box lid of old toy cars and toy soldiers and even a couple old metal ones (!!!) - twenty-five cents apiece or all for three bucks!
...for any single glass item on this table - ten cents each!
...souvenir ashtrays stolen from several hotels and motels around the country back in the 60s and 70s,- a buck each, except the ones from Vegas - those are "collectors items" and they can be yours for three bucks apiece.
...for a garden hose that looks like it was used as a tow rope at least once... a buck.
... for any rusted, broken, or indeterminate "tool" on this table - fifty cents each.
...for an old bowling ball, bag, and shoes - today best deal - four bucks.
...for ten years of Reader's Digest magazines - all of which have picked up a slightly moldy smell from being in the basement all of those ten years... all 120 of them going for ten bucks. (they'll be out at the curb after supper.)
...for slightly used futon... slight urine smell. but not dog or cat urine....!
...for a throw rug - five dollars. And no negotiating on the price. Not even later in the day. Five dollars. Because they paid forty for it seven years ago, but the dog peed on it once, and they think they have the smell and stain pretty well cleared up, and they think someone will like the "retro" design.
...for a box holding "about half" a set of old Corning Ware dishes from a set for 8, with some chips... five dollars - "those are old."
...for the chance to listen to several folks in their driveways telling anyone who would listen (or care) that "that there is brand new!" as if that would mean anything to anyone wanting something on the cheap.
...for the opportunity to waste a lot of time and quite a bit of expensive gasoline driving around from driveway to driveway, in the pathetic hope of finding "just that perfect velvet painting" of Jesus or Elvis or Upper Yosemite Falls... and going home wondering why they had wasted half of their weekend like this... priceless!