In a way, if one can imagine things working out, they did. . .

The timeline of our lives never truly forks, it doesnt drift, or sway in directions that it's not meant to, it travels in a continuous straight line. There are no bumps in the road. Because the road already had them before it was created.

A stray cat has kittens on the side of the road, one of those kittens is attacked by another animals looking for some food, that kitten somehow manages to break free from it's would be attacker, and lives another day, just in time for some kind person to find him and heal his wounds and give him a long happy life. And the hungry animal, just carries on, and hopes that not all the kittens were found, and continues to survive.

A group of beautiful wildflowers, They are beautiful because they are what we call them "wild". If you pluck one of them, singular by itself it's pretty, but it'll die before days end, as the nutrients keeping it alive have now gone away and though you think sticking that flower in some random cup of water will somehow replenish it. You have actually suffocated it, and then basically drowned it. What was once wild and beautiful, is dried up and dieing. All because you couldnt just let be what was.

Motions created by humans really do decide a lot of other species fate. Good and bad, and for the majority of us, we do not wish harm upon anything or person, but it's inevitable. You mow your yard when the grass gets to tall. You drive your vehicle to work after an early morning rainfall.

Just those two simple acts, will stop your yard from making that magical noise it makes on a summer night. Crickets and frogs will lose their lives every time, and yet its something that is a part of all of our lives.

Taking aside every moment, from the first step of your childs life to where they have somehow found themselves today. The simplistic look at where and what they are doing now is really all that matters.

How does that child grow up and view the world and others around him or her.
Where can their potential take him or her, and how will they treat others as they grow old.

From my time on this earth, there are a couple things that stick with me.

I can look at all animals as beings that are living their lives, just as we are living out ours. They are to be respected as such, they are to be helped when needed but not bothered on purpose. Love them as you would love anyone else.

Wherever I live, i've always looked out a window, I have found the one spot in-between trees where the sky can continue into forever, and i have focused on that point of view and it's calmed me down, brought down my anxieties, and steadied my hand. If there are no trees, I am not in a good place, and therefore my eyes must close so I will see them again.

I have always followed my gut, and my heart, and done what I thought was impossible, but for the better, to protect myself, and the ones that I love the most. Most of those decision were difficult.

A bird must learn to fly, sometimes that means being pushed from the nest, sometimes that means bouncing as it hits the ground, sometimes that means they werent meant to be birds. But, it still must learn to fly so it can survive.

Not that Im 100% certain that every step I have made in life is the right one, I only know for certain that every step I took led me to where I am right now. At peace, watching leaves sway back and forth, watching a humming bird outside my window, knowing that the calm that is in my home, is how I want my daughter to grow up.

Going back a bit, I can remember some calm moments. The wind coming through the window as I watch a Yankees game in my parents living room. The summer of 1995, that small moment in time. Taking what I can from those moments I look at where they are with me today, and if they followed me or left me years ago.

I used to do two things quite often when I lived in Nimmonsburg. I would cease to exist with the rest of my household and shut my bedroom door, only coming out for the essentials of what I would need to live.
And, I'd walk my old neighborhood a lot. I'd end up in the same spot, on a park bench looking out over a group of trees and thinking that I did not belong where I was.

Never feeling complete, just always searching for someone or something that could make me feel whole. As years past i'd realize that the fairy tale emotions that teenagers feel, the ones that make you feel crazy all of the time, only exist for a short period of time. But some of those feelings that came didnt completely dissolve. Some followed me to this very day.

So, I followed the inevitable.

A road that even though it wasnt paved or marked with direction, it was there all along, and though I hadnt found it, I was faintly aware that I was walking down it my entire life.
I'd always look at what I was doing as a step, or a mark that would lead me to have the feeling I had on that park bench but in solitude.

You see I grew up in a household where everyone was a "family" because the word family meant something by definition in a book. Where family was always there, but only by extension. Some knew what loving one another meant, others only by what they think it means, and them some just had to find their way back. But all in all, everyone in that household kind of had their own agendas, and still do to this day. It wasnt living for one another, it was living for one self.


Though, honestly they did their best with the hands they were dealt, even though turns out they were the ones handing out the cards the entire time. I managed to figure my life out, took me some time, but, I think im starting to finally get a hang of this wild ride and create something for somebody else that is coming very soon.

And in her life, she will see two people that live for each other and for her, two people that show each other what the meaning of love is, not just saying it, but showing it without saying it.

If she has an ounce of the heart that her mother and I have, then she will be able to make this world shine a little brighter. Because thats really all we strive to do for the people that we surround ourselves with. And thats what others should strive to do as well. But with that you will have people in your life that naturally will try to suck that out of you, bring you to their knees and show you what the cold concrete feels like under your kneecaps.

They will bring you there because thats where they are, they are lonely there, they havent figured out that only they can stand up and move down their roads, so they choose to take you on their journey, where they arent moving, so you can no longer move forward, and they wont feel so lonely in that place you got sucked into.

If they choose their words carefully they'll make you feel like you belong there. You can let them in, but your light may dim a little. You can try to fix them, but your wrenches will never fit their sockets.

That crazy ebb and flow, the wave constantly soaking up that little bit of sand and letting it dry out for a few seconds, that wind that helps keep that mosquito a few feet away from you. Sometimes in life the old term "if you love something let it go", has more than one outcome, and meaning.

Never comfortable in my shoes until now, I know I wasnt living right by how I acted several years ago. The world doesnt owe me anything. You have no control where you are born, you have no control over much of anything, but the little that you can control is how you view your own life.

I met the right person, she made me a better person, we both make each other better people, and now we get the chance to make our person and that person into what we hope can be a better version of us. We get the chance to smile, see innocence, we get a miracle, and I truly believe its because its our time.

Meanwhile while my life is moving in the same direction its always moved, some others has stopped because they cannot move past whatever timeline has me in it. Not asking for one to give up, im not asking anything. Some things are past down from generation to generation, and for me that is my mental pain tolerance.

I do feel every bit of it, but can shut down that emotion pretty fast, I can feel what someone else is feeling, but also know that im not the creator of that mental violence. And for that, I know that there are people in my life I need to protect. And for that very reason alone, life has painted over a timeline that connected people.

For a while that timeline looked pretty clear, but faded as the years past, and now you would never know there was a link to begin with. Only mental images of what could have beens thrown about, but once was aforementioned, is now just an afterthought.

I will raise my daughter to love everything that is, to treat life with the respect that it deserves, She will know what peace at home means, she will never need, and she will always know that she is loved, and not because its said outloud.

Summer days will feel like they never end, winter nights will be warm, I know I have a job as a parent to show her the realities of life, but also as a parent I know that her home should be her safe place, where she can always turn to. Not look back at like its a stranger. She will also grow up and she will always feel like she still lives here, not like a random guest.

And if she meets someone, and that someones family shows them every bit of love they show their child, then i'll smile, and know that I did something right, because they were able to find that in themselves. And every single day from there on, I will be able to exhale knowing that I helped them on their road.

I am by no means perfect, I am by no means free of guilt and selfish tendencies, but I can say this, I can show my daughter that only focusing on your own feelings when others are happy, only makes you bitter.

Only take into account that you are upset, understanding that the past is to learn and grow from, not to live in.

So...

In a way, if one can imagine things working out, they did. . .

Two children grew up into an adults, they found their great loves, they worry every day but learned how to remain steady and strong for one another, their love continues to grow well over a decade after they proclaimed it in front of family and friends. They struggled in all the ways people growing up can struggle, but figure it out together.

So, you must have done something right, because those two birds left their nests, and somehow found their way home again. Hopefully some day, their little bird will be able to do the same.