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Self Destructive Pattern
3 May, 2021
Author: Seizure

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The darkest period of my life is when I was seventeen
Everything was going wrong, I'll explain what I mean
I lost two friends to suicide, my grandpa passed away
My dog, he had to be put down I can't forget that day
I started taking crystal meth, my grades were in decline
I almost dropped out of my school I knew I wasn't fine
My teachers never noticed, most my friends all turned away
I had to feel something so I cut myself each day
I'd split my arm from the elbow straight down to my wrist
I always knew that deep inside, I would not be missed
I wore long sleeves to hide it all I kept it to myself
I didn't care for the normal things like friendship, joy, or wealth
I couldn't see a future, I didn't care about my school
I needed to die alone, I guess I was a fool
I knew that I was slipping, I made it to the hole
This fight had changed dynamic I was fighting for my soul

It didn't take long before I needed another crutch
The pressure never stopped and it was getting to be too much
I started taking pain killers with a bit of speed
My self destructive pattern was turning into a need
A little bit of Adderall, topped with Ritalin
Chased down with Naproxen I was covering my sin
In my darkest place, I could never find my pride
I finally had enough so I attempted suicide
I took a bunch of pills which made both of my lungs swell
I dislocated my ribs and f*#k it hurt like hell
My stomach got pumped I guess that's why I'm here
But the world wasn't finished, it needed me to fear
No one's gonna change, no one's gonna try
No one's gonna see the things I'm feeling inside
No one's gonna notice everything's been going wrong
The world doesn't care it's what I'm preaching all along

Who am I? - The thing that is changing
Meant to be - Someone but I'm waiting
Take me now - I never knew what's meant to be
Soon you will see

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