My wife got this invitation.
Said we needed a vacation.
So we headed up to the lake,
With her mama and step dad Jake!

The ranch was on eighty acres!
Built in nineteen ten by Quakers.
But they’d done some renovations,
‘For Chip Gaines hit syndication!

There was ship lap on every side!
Everywhere it could be applied!
It was a little slice of home.
They even had a garden gnome.

Hey! Did that gnome flip me the bird?
I swear he did! You got my word!
Right then an ugly head appeared
With moles and warts and half a beard!

Man! I’ll never get used to that!
It’s my wife’s mama, that old bat!
Sneering and growling in my face!
Someone get her out of my space!

It’s Tic Tac time for that old bag!
Something died inside of that hag!
But she won’t ruin this, I swear!
Things had to get better from there!

That’s when the resort hosts came in.
They’s wearin’ nothing but a grin!
At first I thought it might be fun,
“Til my wife’s mama dropped her gun,

Then started to undo her shirt,
I think I pee’d a nervous squirt!
And when they gave us all one room,
I knew this trip would spell my doom!

For me the best part of this ride
Was mama on the Slip-N-Slide!
She kept on goin’ down the hill!
She took a pretty nasty spill!

They put her in a body cast!
My wife and I was all aghast!
Well she was anyway, I guess.
Me and Jake are just glad she’s dressed.

And I done filmed the whole dang thing!
It’s monetized and everything!
With six million views this week!
From Zanzibar to Mozambique!

They played it as a movie short,
For their nude guests at the resort.
And every time that clip gets played,
Your movie makin’ boy gets paid!

I might just buy that nude resort!
Make Slip-N-Slide the premier sport!
Let mama live up therefore free!
A Slip-N-Slide celebrity!

And she can show them all her skill,
As I film every single spill,
And post them on my YouTube page,
Where mama will be all the rage!

Who put that pile of cow poop there??
I’ll tell her I was not aware
Of who it was that made that mess!
But I’ll bet some of you can guess.

Boy that mama she’s a stinker!
Thankfully she’s quite the drinker!
She’ll make us rich while unaware.
And keep us fed like Yogi Bear!

So if you see a video
Of a large human torpedo,
From head to toe covered in hair,
Just smack that Like, Subscribe, and Share!

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Copyright©2017-1999 by Rebecca R. Hammack

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