I once had two photographs,
both taken at the same time, same place,
where I was having a cup of coffee in
a small area,
shortly after I learned
that my entire squad was gone,
and I alone had survived.

I remember that fact,
and I remember that I was
smoking a cigarette,
as there was the smoke
curling up in the photo,
and I also remember that I was looking
from one to the other photo,
back and forth,
as there was a slight shift
in positions in the photos,
and I was trying to see
if I could understand why,
as well as my attempt
to determine which photo was taken first,
which photo followed that one.

I believe there were others
in the background, and it appeared
that I was in a room, or a tent,
or really, where I can only imagine,
as there were no visual clues to claim.
As to others in the area with me,
that, too, is nebulous now,
and I may be imagining a non-memory.

I can no longer remember the names
of those with me in the squad,
and I guess that is some sort
of mental escape – a kind of insurance, if you will,
which did protect me,
and it still is doing so.
It angers me to understand this,
but the brain, the mind,
is so delicate, sometimes,
and it has certain things
it can do to save itself.
Blank walls or empty spaces
can hinder your conscious mind
from finding or learning
that which might cause great
or frightening harm,
whether it be physical, mental,
or just emotional.
I believe that the emotional
would be sufficient to do me in;
that is the part of me that is Aquarian.

In the photo(s) I needed a shave,
I looked extremely tired,
with the apprearnce of one
who had been washed ashore
by the tides and waves
from wandering out there,
over a great distance,
over a great amount of time.

Perhaps it is better
that I no longer have easy access
to the photographs – something there in them
might upset the applecart,
so to speak,
and while it is interesting
to consider all things dealing
with those two photos,
I also sense, or feel,
a bit of tragedy, a tiny morsel of fear,
should I have them in hand today.
I have nothing to base this on,
only a certain light feeling within,
which tells me that it is better
to let such a sleeping dog lie.
I do not need the noise
or the stress of the dog awakening.

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