Dark
my soul as dark as the river at night,
reflecting only pissed-blood colored moon

I saw it happen
slow motion ragdoll dying
saw the red fog grow
swirl and mist
heard the crumpling
the crashing thrush
shattering
shuddering screech

and silence

ass over ankles down the embankment
I know the truth at a glance
no need to check for a pulse
when heads are missing

I only knew of her by her breathing
nearly passed by her
nearly left her there
alone

Voices in the darkness....
"are you ok?"
"Where's Momma?"
"did momma and daddy know Jesus?"
"yes... we love jesus very much"
"they are somewhere very safe"

"my name is Larry, what is yours?"
"where is my Katie?"
"your doll honey?"
" no, my doggie.. she is my best friend"
"a collie doggie?"
"yes"

"she is doing a trick outside"
(hoping that playing dead was a trick...
but knowing better)

"I am here to make sure you don't get lonely hon...
What's your name?"
"Mary Ellen"
"Hi Mary Ellen... my that's a lovely name..."

"Will you hold my hand mister?"
"yes, honey, I am holding it"
"I can't feel it"
"I see the problem honey...
... did mommy and daddy bring a cooler?"
"we always bring a cooler when we come to Grandma Jean's...
why do we need a cooler mister?"
"I have something very important...
that I need to keep very cold..."

"Are you sure you are feeling ok dear?"
"I am very cold now"
"you feel a little wet, Mary...
sometimes when you get wet you get cold"
"the wet parts are warm...
and sticky...
I wish it wasn't so dark...
I can't see...

what was that spashing noise?"
"something big just fell out of the car Mary"
"you sound so sad, mister"
"I know honey...
don't worry... I 'm ok"

"Thank you for giving me a hug, mister...
I am so cold...
and so tired...
you feel so light...
I can't even feel you sitting on my lap..."

"You will be with mommy and daddy very soon Mary..."
"I know, Larry...
thank you for sitting with me...
I can't feel it because I am so cold...
but I would be so scared...
if I was alone..."

and thus, Mary spilled out...
and I was there
I felt her soft
trembling
last breath
shuddering out of her on my cheek

when she was gone...
only then would I have dared...
I pulled her hair,
bloody pulpy scalp
from the back seat of the van
and place it softly back where it should be
grandma doesn't need to see her baby with no hair too...

------- Author's Notes -------

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