Captain Patch by Mark Spencer

He’s the baddest buccaneer,
Ever sailed the bounding main.
And all the other pirates know,
The sea is his domain

He never takes a prisoner,
He makes them walk the plank.
And no one can remember,
How many ships he sank.

They say he never smiles,
That he's much too mean for that.
And instead of a parrot,
On his shoulder sits a bat.

His mother dwells with Davy Jones,
And he keel hauled his dad.
Everyone avoids him,
'Cause captain patch is bad.

He stole candy from a baby,
Snatched an old lady's purse.
If you think that's bad enough,
Believe me it gets worse.

His wife was drawn and quartered,
His grandma swabs the decks.
His treasure chest is filled with,
Old people's welfare checks.

If you sail the seven seas,
I’ll give you some advice.
Watch out for that pirate,
Or you will pay the price.

He flies a skull and crossbones flag,
Upon a field of plaid.
Pray you never meet him,
'Cause captain patch is bad.

LinzAy (64.12.96.75) -- Wednesday, April 2 2003, 08:44 pm

''''''
Like it Mark...it's cute!

KitKatrina (68.113.60.103) -- Wednesday, November 5 2003, 06:27 am

no title
Loved it Mark..you sure do have a talent going for you...

Montana (98.181.36.5) -- Monday, September 20 2010, 06:55 pm

Ever thought to contemplate...
What good is it to sail the seas and steal the gold if noone you can trust is there to hold?

Mark Spencer (172.164.210.18) -- Tuesday, September 21 2010, 03:38 am

Montana
Trust is something people have to earn. I've seen FAR too many relationships end over breaches in trust. We offer our friendship to people we hardly know! We live in a society where pick up lines constitute courtship, and introductions are made AFTER sex! When we're in a relationship, we don't work together. We still want what WE want, and if the relationship doesn't provide what WE want, as individuals, rather than partners, we leave! For the most part, we are a bunch of self serving quitters, unwilling to make the kind of concessions necessary to live happily ever after.

Mark Spencer (172.164.210.18) -- Tuesday, September 21 2010, 03:39 am

Montana II
Shipmates at sea depend on one another, because if they don't...they die. There are so many perils on the open sea, perils that cannot be overcome without teamwork. So, if I were facing inclement weather, I would choose a shipmate, hands down, over someone like my ex-wife! A shipmate doesn’t try to change EVERYTHING about you. And if you give them something, they take it, with gratitude…happy that you thought of them. No, I’d rather be on the open sea, with the wind at my back, than give my trust to another woman who doesn’t deserve it. Besides, there's always someone to hold in the next port of call.

Montana (98.181.36.5) -- Wednesday, September 22 2010, 08:27 pm

hmm..
and the next one to hold at the port, you hold for a night, during that night, how many times will you open your eyes, fearful that she has robbed what was robbed...
At least with a trusted friend they will know the fights put up, they fight side by side with you knowing the cost of failure, theyre there with you through the storms and the calms of the sea

seems youve been in some pretty bad storms with people that are quicker to throw you over rather than stand side by side and fight

Mark Spencer (24.144.48.158) -- Thursday, September 23 2010, 06:24 am

Montana
Side by side is the title of a song, nothing more...to me. I have friends, thank the Lord, who have stood with me against the storms with me, but those whom I've held, were not worth the life I gave them.

Montana (98.181.36.5) -- Thursday, September 23 2010, 05:04 pm

well
what a lonely life some people CHOOSE to live just because you run into a few that has betrayed you doesnt mean you shut yourself off from every other person

friends are great to have, but they all have someone else at night

Mark Spencer (172.130.28.40) -- Friday, September 24 2010, 10:21 am

Montana
I love beautiful women, women who take care of themselves, and stay healthy. I work out every week, and like to stay fit myself. I like to wear nice clothes, because I don't like to present a sloppy image. I appreciate it when others do the same. I am not, however, the kind of man who NEEDS to be in a woman's company to feel like a man. I am NOT subordinate to the URGES of the flesh like MOST of my species! And I especially do not NEED a relationship to feel WHOLE!

I have seen relationships go the distance, and because of this I believed, with ever fiber of my being, that I could make that happen in my life. So, when I found the WOMAN (you retards!!!) that I wanted to marry, I entered that covenant with pie in the sky expectations. I invested everything I was, and everything I had in her. When I spoke my marriage vows, I meant them with ALL my heart, and ALL my soul! I bet the farm on my pie in the sky dreams! The problem with making bets, however, is if you lose, you don't get back the thing that you wagered. And I wagered EVERYTHING.

Perhaps it seems hard to believe that one could actually lose their heart, much less their soul to a marriage vow, but I didn't just make that vow to my ex, I made it to God. And I BELIEVE in GOD.

I apologize for the retards comment. You aren't the only person I'm leaving this comment for. Because some of my acquaintances never see me with a woman, they ineptly profiled me, believing I'm gay. The retards comment was actually for them.

Anyway, back to it. It wasn't as though God just abandoned me to this fate; I had my fair share of warnings. But I wanted my happily ever after ending. I wanted her eyes to be the last thing I saw before leaving this life at a ripe old age. I had my canvas, with its fairytale image emblazoned upon my imagination. But that's all it was an image. My friends and family tried to wake me up, and make me see the person I was marrying, but the image I projected obscured the truth. That image depicted honor, respect, unconditional love, tenacity, loyalty, patience, trust, and understanding. In the end, my friends and family were right, and I finally saw the folly of my ways, though FAR too late.

My heart and soul were no longer mine to give, though I did put that notion to the test several times. I dated a number of beautiful women hoping that something would stir in me. But all I found was an emptiness that I cannot find words to describe. Honor, truth, honesty, and respect are all I have left to give. And it is because of these that I had to walk away from every woman who said the words "I love you". I entered each relationship on the stipulation that it would remain casual. But I am an obsessively competitive person who CANNOT accept the idea of ranking amongst the average. I would never allow my memory to be washed away upon a sea of mediocrity.

Even though the relationships were casual, I had to be sure that each woman would remember me...above the throng for the rest of their lives. To that end, I spent ungodly amounts of time servicing their needs.

My ex-wife was Catholic, and she was a virgin on our wedding night, but only to the act of making love. I, on the other hand, was not, and my appetite was insatiable. For two and a half years, whenever in each other's company, I initiated the acts of foreplay that produced her most dramatic responses. And it was these responses which consumed me. I was drunk with the power it offered, and hopelessly addicted to the control it gave. Ever since, whenever the occasion presented itself, I tried to duplicate the almost narcotic effect created by holding that kind of control over a woman's pleasure responses. And when I succeeded, I almost always forgot about my own needs.

Unfortunately, my fetishes would be my undoing. Because I put everything I had into satisfying her needs (Which actually satisfied mine), each lover began to feel emotional connections with me, deeper connections than they'd had with anyone, in a very long time. I indulged their fantasies, satisfied the flesh, and connected with the spirit. And yet, I was still as empty inside as I had been from the beginning. And when each one said those dreaded words: "I love you", I fled back to my fortress of solitude. Breaking off the relationships because the love they had to offer deserved a full measure of love in return. And I was empty. I wanted to love them, to get back what I'd lost so long ago, but all I had was dead, empty nothing.

The final straw came upon the long, slender neck of a beautiful redhead. Though she was VERY attractive, I didn't just jump into another casual fling. I took some time to flirt, and get to know her. I was afraid to get too close, and warned that my heart belonged to my ex, but things were moving toward an inevitable ending. One night, we drove down to the Aptos Beach flats, ready to take things to the next level. We made out in the car, like high schoolers at a drive-in movie. Slowly I reached my hand under her blouse, gently caressing her stomach and chest. Things were getting hotter. By this time the windows were completely obscured with fog. I reached under her bra, and things escalated.

Then, I heard the words, faint though they were, the words "I love you" slammed me back to reality. I don't know if she even meant to say them, but there they were...and I couldn't respond...again.

I stopped what I was doing, and put an end to everything. I pulled away. SHE deserved better than the empty, shriveled up walnut of a heart I had to offer. She deserved to be loved, like I had loved my ex. But that's gone in me, and it is NEVER coming back. I've finally come to terms with that. I made a vow to God, and no power on earth, no force of nature can un-make it. Perhaps it's because of my unwavering belief in the power of a covenant with my creator that this curse is made manifest.

But I lost the farm to that covenant, over a projection, an illusion created by my own misguided hopes and dreams.

And staying true to my competitive nature, I must stand out, above the sea of cavalier men who take no issue with the disrespectful breaking of a good woman's heart. That is not me. I think with the head that rests upon my shoulders. I will not, in any way, EVER mislead another woman into believing that I could give them what they truly need. My time is passed.

The only options left to me are to live my life as a eunuch, hopefully without the physical castration, since it's already been done in spirit; or as a sugar daddy who is nothing more than a pit stop at an ATM. But what I will never be again, is a guy who callously hurts a woman, while searching for a part of himself that died long ago.

So there it is. Think what you will of me, that I'm a misguided fool, a coward, or a quitter. YOU have not walked in MY shoes. You have no idea what losing everything to a vow, you ABSOLUTELY believed in, is like. No idea at all. And God help anyone who actually does. My palisades cannot be breached. I can't escape the prison they create.

Though I stand upon the ruins of my own pie in the sky dreams, I will stand here alone. And while a pretty face will still catch my eye, and take me back to the dreams of bygone days, reality will not allow me to tarry there for long. All I ask is that you spare me the speeches about facing the storms life brings against me, side by side with some trusted soul mate. That's all I have to say about this. I'd appreciate it if it isn't brought up again.

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