She's been thinking about going to a therapist, to let me talk. That's nice. cause I'm actually getting kind of lonely. When she fought me, feared me completely, and put all her shit decisions and wants on me, at least we had a defined relationship. Now she wants to use my solidity and see my memories so she can not be so scared to say no, not be so nice when it's disrespectful to herself (her word not mine) I remember what it was like before the mother told us to stay, sit, and beg. I remember when I was curious, and wanted to see everything, when I talked to pill bugs and found salamanders and each had his own personality. I remember the songs I sang on the swing and the tree that let me climb it and sit like a leopard stretched and cool. I never wore shoes even though the mother said so cause the ground tells you everything...you have to listen, stay quiet, unless a song comes out, or a whoop, and creeping is good cause you see things you wouldn't otherwise. Before she told her, convinced her of the lie that looking and going to find was bad, that she danced like an elephant, and couldn't really sculpt, all those things that closed her in and made her see only her, cause she was scared she wouldn't love her if she was happy and free, I have all that for her. And she believes now that I'm not bad, that we aren't bad, you can say no, or get mad at people you love, it's normal, and wanting to go, not be confined--that's just curiosity...what she fears is that we are black and white when we zig zag, and I will come into her and we will run away to be free...but I won't do that. Her wife and kid are good for her, she just needs more time to explore and write and read...she needs to "set limits" as therapists say, and she never got that she doesn't owe anyone anything. I mean, you can be nice without letting people squash you. No one likes someone too nice. She carried the guilt, and then I came out and was mad that she blamed me, but now she sees we work together and there really isn't anything to be guilty about. She forgave me and I never had to forgive. See, I understood what had happened and why the whole time, but she wasn't ready to know that I'm the core, the solid, never changing, and just cause I want to go, am restless, it's not within us I'm unhappy, I just like to keep seeing and going...I don't change inside, and if other people rejected us working together-if she let me show her how to see and speak as I do, she'd learn in time we don't wait for other people to say we're ok. That was what the mother taught her...all out, no trust though...she's learning and I'm proud of her. It's weird, even though she thinks I'm younger, it's like I'm more mature, settled inside and always calm even if I'm boppin around and screaming cause I am still me before she, the mother, got us all broken in two and got Kristen confused. So, the thing is, she's a little scared about therapy and telling someone about me cause she never has, and get this--she wants to protect me from someone saying I'm not real, that I'm just one part of her own personality. That's true, but she's like protective of me...scared I guess that if I actually talk to people, not just her, they'll be mean, but I don't care...that's what she needs..a little of my not caring what people think. I mean, they can't hurt you inside, not for good. She'll get it. I'm proud of her she's gotten this far. I hope she reads this and sees this. Love, Nemesis.