Daddy? by Nicole

Dad you have been gone for quit some time now..
Dont you think it's time to come back home?
Mom says I would see you more if you guys divorce?...
What is that sopposed to mean?
Please dont leave me..
I need a dad..
Remember I was called daddys girl? Not mommys girl.
Mom says you say things, you dont really mean.
But I dont want to believe that.
You love me.. right?
I know dads work
But they aren't gone as long as you are.
They always come back home.. right?
Is there something I should know?
Or is it just a secreat like all the other times?
Did you already leave me?
Mom said you already made your choice..
But you havent come back home..
Does that mean forever?
I dont understand..
I'm so confused..
Christmas is coming up soon.
In fact just a couple days away..
And your not home yet..
We already got the Christmas tree up,
there's a gift under it for you,
from me.
Are you going to come back home and un wrap it??
Im begining to forget what you look like sometimes..
But I have that picture you gave me to remind me..
Although it's been awhile since it was taken.. It's the most recent one we have..
Mom explained to me tonight what is probably going to happen.
I didn't understand her
Or I just didnt want to believe her
I dont know what to say..
Dad,
Christmas is a few days away,
Are you going to come back home?
Please tell me the truth..
I thought you knew I needed you..
espically with everything that has been going on..
Dont you know everything that has happend?
Dont you care?
Dont you remember me, i'm your daughter..
I want to be a family again..
is that so bad to want??
I'll do anything..
Please tell me this is all just a dream..
It's like im taking your place now..
I cant
I have a life too.
Nobody knows how much im hurting inside..
and nobody knows how much I miss you..
and nobody knows how much I just wish thing would be like how they used to be..
Sometimes it helps to think we are under the same sky..
I just wish it didn't have to be so big..
Please come back home..
Or at least just for christmas..

Capricorn (62.31.144.1) -- Sunday, December 22 2002, 12:07 pm

Sorry!
So sorry to hear the way things are with your parents.About 15 or so years ago my Dad decided he wanted a divorce....that was 3 weeks before Xmas. He was in his sixties, and I was married with kids, but I might as well have been a little girl the way it affected me! That was one of the worst Xmas's I ever had!! I know how you must feel. Hope your Dad gets in touch soon. All I can say is that he(and your Mum) are probably feeling just as sad, and mixed up as you.Grown ups sometimes feel thet can't sort their lives out too. Once they have they will probably start thinking more about you!

Left you a message on the forum the other day!

Nicole (66.167.210.3) -- Sunday, December 22 2002, 07:45 pm

hey, sounds like a lot of things happend to the same of us.. everything happend 5 days before christmas. my mom wouldnt even let my spend christmas with my dad. thins are soo mest up. I dont know what to think or what to do or anything anymore. All I know is that it's going to be a long time tell things get better and thats even if they do,because here in my family things just seem get wrose each day.. I dont know...
I got your message, thanks-I wrote you back=)

barb (66.46.230.61) -- Monday, December 23 2002, 05:00 pm

too bad
nicole your writing shows how much you are hurting. I'm truly sorry. But you know sometimes the longer it goes the harder it is to get in touch embarrassment, guilt. Not sure if they are still wanted. alot of reasons. This poem shows that you want to see and talk to him. Someday you'll be able to talk to him and see him. Right now though Nicole, make the best of it and look forward to the day when you feel peace. Merry xmas

Nicole (66.167.210.3) -- Monday, December 23 2002, 05:46 pm

I dunno..
yeah im going to try to make the best christmas.. just a lot of things happend and changed. i cant spend christmas with my family this year cause everything going on.. maybe they wont get back together.. but i hope than maybe it'll be like i have tow familys? I just want a real happy family right now though... I dont know. i want to look forward to the day i have peace.. hopefully it'll come its just going to be a looooonnnggg time... merry christmas to you to...=)

barb (66.46.230.61) -- Monday, December 23 2002, 10:52 pm

hope
Nicole never give up hope and someday you'll be glad you had your hope when you needed it.

Nicole (66.167.211.47) -- Wednesday, December 25 2002, 05:29 am

thanks
thank you for everything you have said. I am trying to not give up hope.. I know this will end sometime.. and im looking forward to that day sooo much.. and when i get to start my life

Your Melody (207.190.93.62) -- Friday, December 27 2002, 03:14 am

I know how it feels
My name is also is Nicole. and my father, like yours is never around. i've tried to make the best of things, but all that ever happens is me getting hurt more and more. Where ever your father is, he needs to read that, or at least realize how you feel. It's been 10 painful years since my parents divorce. (2 months before my 4th birthday they decided to get divorced) and my father still hasn't realize how i feel. I wish you much more luck with your father than I've had. I hope he comes back.

Rhandi Thompson (68.52.8.140) -- Wednesday, April 16 2003, 05:10 am

the same thing happened to me
I lost my dad when I was a baby I never even got to say I loved him at all I never got to se my daddy in person and everyone calls me bad things about that like they call me bastard and other bad word Thats all gatta go sorry nichol

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