My Life by Nicole

one day i come home
find out im leaving
leaving all my friends
not even getting to say goodbye
starting at a new school
espicaly one you dont like
is harder than they think
your so confused
when people dont take you in
just cause your the new kid
i guess thats why cause im the new kid
they dont know what has gone on in your life
or everything that is going on
you just wish you could find someone
you could actually trust
you wish you could find a purpose
a pupose to live
to keep going for your dreams
but its so hard when everything is gone now and takin away
you dont know what to think or what to say
you keep trying your best
but nothing is good enough for them
you just dont know what to do anymore
what am i sopposed to do?
i have tried so hard?
i just want my life to be how it used to be?
i want to go and make life fast forward to 18 so i could move out
and than that i'll be the day
"my life will actually begin"
though i wish it could of sooner
though it couldnt
because everything you wanted to be
your dreams
was now taken away from you
and now it's going to be a lot harder
you just have to keep trying they say
but they dont understand how much you have been trying that you just cant keep going on
they dont understand or care
you jsut lie in bes at night wishing you could die..
but you know you cant
you just know..
you just have this feeling..
you just have to keep going..
things will get better someday..
hopefully...

Marci (204.248.60.10) -- Friday, December 13 2002, 04:11 pm

They will get better
I went through the same exact thing when I was fifteen. I thought it would never be okay, and that I would hate every minute of it. I was wrong. It took time getting used to it, but it turned out to be okay. You will survive...don't worry, everything will be okay :o)

Nicole (66.167.211.111) -- Friday, December 13 2002, 08:03 pm

thanks....
I dont really know if it'll be ok.. maybe i hope. I have been going there a while now and i havent gotten used to it. I have tried to like. it's so different.. so different and it all happend so fast.. sometimes its like theres no point in living. you just want to fast forward life to 18 than your life will actually begin.. well at least for me.. but thanks, you dont know what that means to me..

Capricorn (62.30.192.1) -- Saturday, December 14 2002, 07:57 pm

Shock
I think because you had to leave your old school and friends so unexpectedly, it's left you in a state of shock! It's hard leaving friends ,let alone not being able to say `good bye' Have you been able to contact them since to explain. Sometimes if you keep in touch with the old it can help. Getting used to a big change in your life will take time, so hang in there! Also, you may think your life will get better at 18 but this is not necessarily so. It is hard being the `new kid' but in time you'll fit in and someone else new will come along, and you will know what it feels like and be able to be kind to them. My thoughts are with you!

Nicole (66.167.40.64) -- Sunday, December 15 2002, 04:27 am

It is hard to stay in contact with them because we have totally different scduels and things going on. And when I do get in contact with them it's like sometimes it can just make you feel sad i guess or something because you just remember again all the good times you had and how you wish it could all come back and everything that your missing out on now and left.. I dont really know how to explain it. I dont know if someone will come along, my new school is A LOT smaller, and there isnt much people.. so they all are already close and stuff.. I just wish that I could have the life as someone else and than do all the stuff that someone my age is doing and i wish that person would realize how lucky they are.. sometimes you just lie in bed at night wishing everything could or would just change!.. and nobody knowa how much your hurting inside but yourself and you just wish that someone knew. nobody knows how much you have tried and you jsut cant keep going no matter what anyone says,and they dont know it but they made a bug mistake, because they just dont care or try to understand they are so selfish and only care what they think and what they wanna do.. I dont know how to explain it. I just know that I would do anything on earth to go back.. and make everything ok again.

Marci (204.248.60.10) -- Monday, December 16 2002, 05:43 pm

Hang in there :o)
I know exactly how you are feeling right now. It's a very hard thing to go through when you're that age. When I went through that myself I felt that I didn't fit in with anyone and probably never would. I was wrong. I admit it did take a while, but you do eventually feel okay. I know that you want to stay as close as you possibly can to your friends back home. I remember telling my mother that I was going to go back home and visit all time. She told me that I wasn't allowed to. Only once in a while. Believe it or not....it was easier for me to get used to my new home by not going back to the old one. I look back now and am glad that I moved. I said the same exact things that you are saying. You will meet people and you will make friends. High school is fun. I wish I could go back sometimes. You have plenty of time be 18 years old. The years are going to fly by. I'm 21 years old and I live far from my friends and my boyfriend once again and it is hard, but I have to deal with it for now or I will just end up making myself miserable. I promise you that you are going to be perfectly fine. Maybe you won't feel that way right away but it will happen. Make sure you keep yourself open to new opportunities and new friends. And remember that everything happens for a reason. I strongly believe that. Keep your chin up :o)

Capricorn (62.30.192.1) -- Tuesday, December 17 2002, 12:47 am

Agree
I agree with Marci,It's very hard to feel anything but despair right now, but this time is only a very short time compared to your whole life. My heart goes out to you. I've been through some bad times in my life, and you think this is the end of all happiness, but in time things do get better. It's hard to think that now, but chin up and hang in there! I feel I'm not the only one thinking of you right now. Just keep writing and we'll keep trying to help

Nicole (66.167.211.93) -- Wednesday, December 18 2002, 12:33 am

Just like my other poem.. "I try to believe you"...
My new school isnt like any other school. they dont have any sports or after school activties or anything like that.. that is why i feel like i am missing out on so much, and my friends.. i remember from the first day i went they said it would be ok.. but look where it is now.. I tried to believe them and everything, i tried my hardest, working tell late at night leaving everything i already knew but still nothing.. like my other things i wrote... "I wanna believe you when you tell me it'll be ok ,yeah i try to believe you..not today, not today..." i dont know. maybe things will get better i try to believe that it doesnt seem true at all. at least right now. sometimes u just want to lie in bed at night and just die cause i cant take it anymore. but thanks you guys help even when you dont know it.. for me it seems like this time is a long time..not a short time.. yeah i am trying to llok for new opportunites and stuff at least somehting i like cause it seems like everything im doign this year is for someone else.. i want to enjoy my life.. but to them its like no you cant. i dont know how to explain it.. just want everything to be good..

Capricorn (62.31.144.1) -- Wednesday, December 18 2002, 02:17 am

Understand
I feel so sad for you, Nicole. If you feel like chatting some more you can leave a message on the forum. I check it every day I can. I am worried that when this poem is taken off after a month, then I might lose track of you. We are trying to get more people onto the forum, It is a way of getting to know people better and talking over your problems. Hope to see you there. Keep writing!

Nicole (66.167.211.93) -- Wednesday, December 18 2002, 03:05 am

I registered for the forum or whatever its called.. but yeah i'd like to chat someitme??? thanks for telling me about it..

Your Melody (207.190.93.62) -- Friday, December 27 2002, 03:44 am

One line in your poem stood out to me the most. It was "i want to go and make life fast forward to 18 so i could move out"...a very wise person once told me that, "When you are young, you want to group up faster, but when you are older, you wish you could go back to being young."

Capricorn (62.31.144.1) -- Friday, December 27 2002, 04:38 pm

True- your melody and nicole
So true, I've seen both ends of this! When I was young I couldn't wait to grow up and do all sorts of things I couldn't because I was too young. Now I'm getting older and my kids have both left home, I look back on my life and wish I had done this and that. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned here, or perhaps we're never completely satified with our lives, whatever age we are!

unknown (216.214.204.57) -- Thursday, May 15 2003, 10:39 pm

ummmmm
kuwl

cc (207.200.116.195) -- Tuesday, March 27 2007, 11:47 pm

things do get better
hey the same thing happend to me but things do get better

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