Still Holding On by Pamela O'Brien

I never really let go.
Always distracting myself with another potential heartbreak.
Always wanting it to be you.
I never really dealt with the pain that lurked inside.
So I was hurt, time and time again.
Until it was too late to just let go, or deal with the pain.
Now I swim in dilemma.
So much love to give, but such a fear to give it away.

Pamela (194.125.159.215) -- Saturday, May 3 2003, 06:14 pm

Irony.....
I wrote this poem a few weeks ago reminiscing about my first love from three years ago. His name is Matthew.
Low and behold, my mother calls me this week and says "Oh yeah, some guy named Matthew called looking for you last week, says he was an ex-boyfriend of yours."
I haven't seen or heard from him in three years, and for the last two of those years, I haven't given him a thought until I wrote this poem.
What are the odds of him trying to contact me, while I am thousands of miles away writing a poem about him?
Anyways, the REAL irony is I held on (like the poem says) for so long to him, and it is only recently that I feel I ACTUALLY let go. When I let go, he coems back.
What an coincidental world we live in!

Seizure (216.47.215.144) -- Sunday, May 4 2003, 12:27 am

interesting..
that's an interesting story... can't say anything like that has ever happened to me.

Roy (64.12.96.200) -- Sunday, May 4 2003, 08:14 am

I just don't understand
mixed emotions--do or don't?

LinzAy (64.12.96.200) -- Tuesday, May 6 2003, 05:39 am

''''''
Great writing Pam!

Pamela (194.125.158.10) -- Tuesday, May 6 2003, 07:03 pm

no title
Yeah, it is strange alright.....as for mixed emotions, you bet! That's the problem, is that I want to love so badly, but I can't bring myself to do it. Even sometimes if I am about to connect emotionally, I back down and shy away.
I tried to forget him so bad, that I forgot all the good stuff too.
And that, is the worst thing you can do.

brandi boonstra (71.102.16.157) -- Monday, May 26 2008, 06:18 pm

relate
i can completely relate to this.... it's how my first love was and still is.

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