Emotional Lobotomize by Sax

I'm slipping back down again,
I cannot deny that I've longed for it,
that I'm longing for these demons,
these emotions,
to swallow me whole again.

As it is my heas begining to ache again,
I'm feeling more than just physical torture again,
the torture brought to me by any sort of nourishment.

Now I can feel them both churning within me,
my head though only worsens my aching body.

To be honest I am grateful for what you've done for me,
the way you've been there,
I wish I can be there for you whenever you need me,
and that our closeness can continue for a very long time.

But unfortunatly there's a shady side to all things,
even this.
I've been happy,
odd as this sounds,
it doesn't feel right,
my happiness feels so empty right now,
like it lacks something,
at times I know what it is,
other times I dont.

But most of the time my newfound happiness doesn't feel right,
there seems to be this coldness within my chest when my body is all warm,
I just want to pull it out and rub it all over me,
hoping to take me back and make me feel more....
Something....
I dont know what really to call it...

For a moment we seemed like we were winning the war,
for a moment things seemed hopeful,
but now new reinforcements and some new tactics destroy my hope,
the rush of demons press in further.

God my emotions keep going up and down,
this is so frustration,
I can't stand it,
like I cant be stable in my life for just one second?
I just want this to stop right now!
Maybe I can find something to help.

Pamela (66.38.146.48) -- Friday, September 6 2002, 11:25 pm

It isn't just us...
I have to say that this poem is both harsh and comforting. I am happy, but it doesn't feel like a complete happiness - empty, as you say. Excellent writing and excellent insight into the epxectations we have of happiness - or perhaps the expectations we lack.

candace koenig (208.180.146.163) -- Monday, January 27 2003, 11:36 pm

good
hey waz up well i liked your poem it was cool well got to jet bye

MartinV (67.28.89.239) -- Tuesday, March 18 2003, 11:35 pm

You know what you want, but how can you get it?
Sax,
I have been on this site long enough to "not" assume every poet's words are true to life. So, with that statement in mind, I continue as if, your words are true. You have found someone or some thing, drug, whatever, that has befriended you. Yet with courage, I detect from your words, you do not want to abuse this source of strength, love, kindness, but in your heart, you know you will?

Once again I say, the answer lies within you, if, its really, there take it, if, you can honor it, otherwise, listen to Martha Focker and go to the closet, get in and be a vacummn cleaner, taking everything thing in, never putting out, in a loving sense, that is.

Just my rash opinion to a friend,

P.S. do you know a Martha Focker?

Liked your poem,
MartinV

Sax (207.166.205.105) -- Saturday, March 22 2003, 03:19 pm

no title
I know not a Martha Focker

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