Don't Know What Else To Do by Shan

Sittin here, freezing, with a ringing in my ears
Thoughts and sounds come in and out, all make me shed tears
I'm scared of everything and couldn't tell ya why
I have no idea myself, what's goin on with my mind
Everything is so screwed, not even my name sounds right
Things happening so fast, every single moment is a fight
I grab at my hair, scream and try to release
At one point everything was calm, now it's all obese
It all swells in my head til I end up like this
Why didn't anyone tell me that this feeling exists
I've let the past go, moved on and still
the pain remains, as if there was something to fulfill
Can't move forward, cuz there aint nowhere to go
And for the rough road that I've traveled so far, I have nothing to show
I escaped from my past, no more abuse and what-not
So why am I still feeling like I should lay in my bed and rot
I'm worth nothing to you, and I'm worth nothing to me
I'm a worthless waste, that just shouldn't be
Am I being punished for something stupid I did in the past?
Cuz if that's the reason, i betta get thinking fast
I can't deal with this shit anymore, it hurts to bad to live
If it is cuz of something I did, I hope what or who-eva can somehow forgive
I'm sorry for everything and anything that I have eva done wrong
I'm sorry for being stupid, weak, and everything except strong
Day schedule always changes, yet everyday is the same
Always so intence, this wrecking feeling remains
I don't know what else to do except write poems about how I feel
Frankly to tell the truth it's the only way I can make sure my feelings are real
I don't know what else to do to try to help myself out
but someday I'd like to understand what this feeling is all about
That's it, I'm going to lay down, my crying has faded, only little sobs remain
YAY i get to go to bed, wake up, and do this all again

lasohnda harris (12.229.199.53) -- Wednesday, March 5 2003, 11:39 pm

yeah 21
I feel that if I didn't met my godmom and if it wasent for me praying and writing poems everyday I think I would be dead because so much has happend to me and is happeing like said it don't seem to get any better just worse sometimes I just pray that god take my life don't let me wake up tommorrow people alwayse say god let thing happen for a reason just pray it will get better I have mixed feelings about that people say that.but there not in my shoes thats how I look at sometimes I think my name is trouble I cry so much at everything little and big to the point I can't cry no more I just hold it all in until I burst with a panic or tell I just can't hold it any more some people think because I'm 21 that I can't make mistakes in saying that i mean just 16 don't mean they can walk all over and it want hurt and make me want to show my temper cause if it is then I wish I wasent 21

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