I sit still, alone in the dark,
Basking in the warmth of the Nothing.
I stretch forth my hand
And grab onto the red reality.
It slides so slowly away
That I don't notice it's gone.
In the corner of my eye
I catch a glimpse of insane whirling.
It's spinning around my head
So fast that I collapse into vertigo.
As I try to make sense of everything,
I fish into my pocket for a cheap escape.
Frantically, I unscrew the lid of
A little, transparent-orange bottle.
This one's too soft, this is too purple,
And this one is too small, and this... perfect.
I swallow it in protest of silence
And wake up into a dancing wave.
It makes me move around
In ways I never dreamed I could.
I feel energy through messages
That I've never heard and only felt.
Now that I can't feel any pain,
I can view the world as it is meant to.
Everyone is removed
And cowering in self-dug holes.
There they are protected
From consequences in life.
As I open my mind up again to pain
I close my eyes to hide from the graves.
I sprint though the darkness
In search for something special.
After hours of blind rummaging
I lie down with my face in my hands.
Finally I accept my charges:
Now I decay because of my crimes.
I'm trapped behind the bars of fate
Where I am condemned to think forever.
Thinking of all of the crimes
That I will and have committed.
I flood my chamber and try
To see how far I can swim away.
No matter how hard I try
Tears can only get me so far.
I am far enough from pictures
That I can forget where I've been.
I am so deep in misery
The fastest way out is down.
I'm at the bottom with a shovel
Boosting others out of their troubles.
The only person left next to me
Is my very dedicated Electrician.
He alone has the power
To keep me here in sanity.
Decorated in fluorescent lights
I wander around the sea for clues.
Recently revealed blood stains
Flow from my chest to the gutter.
I shine my flashlight in hope
That I will find His answers soon.
I see a woman in a green dress
Clinging onto an object in vain.
It is bathed in blood
And hopeless addictions.
She knew it belonged to her,
But she stole it and claimed it anyway.
My flashlight begins to die
As I notice the object is broken.
I shake my head in an attempt
To loose my disgusting thoughts.
I swing at tomorrow
To fight the inevitable.
I am scared about the pattern
Because I know what comes next.
Visions plague me of others
That will lie just to claim the object.
It's something just to pass around
Because I no longer own the contract.
I signed it with sincerity
Now they steal it seductively.
A face turns to show
That my time is almost up.
I turn to the heavens,
And wonder what to ask it.
As I watch in anger,
The sky gets ripped to shreds.
My adventure in seclusion ends
In a mass confusion of violence.
As my eyes lubricate with furry,
I sink down to my knees in mourning.
Then, in between shakes and sobs,
I pull out a pen to right my own ending.
With a big smile on my face,
I float, dead, in a puddle of tears.
A puddle filled by anyone
That cries over my disturbing life.

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Copyright©2017-1999 by Rebecca R. Hammack

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