vinebar

Grandma Cut The Cheese
26 June, 2004
Author: Ben Laney

vinebar

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
I had to run
to the window quick
Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
I had to get some air
or else be sick

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
You could tell it
all through the house
Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
And it smelled
Just like an old, dead mouse

Well, she turned around
and I knew she was lookin'
for an innocent
party to blame
She was supposed to be
in there cookin'
Good thing she wasn't
too near the flame

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
oh, I tell ya
It really blew my mind
I never knew
it was comin'
It was one of
the silent, deadly kind

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
Can you imagine that?
Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
It blew all the hair
off of the cat

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
It brought tears
To my eyes
It was worse
than nerve-gas poison
Birds were fallin'
dead from the skies

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
I'm tellin' ya
It was not good
I was gaggin'
and even thinkin'
We should evacuate
the neighborhood

Grandma cut the cheese
in the kitchen
I won't forget
that fateful day
They hauled grandma
off to prison
'Cause someone....
called up the EPA

------- Author's Notes -------

Oh, if Grandma was still alive, she'd KILL me for posting this one!! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! I am Sooooo BAD!

vinebar

Comments on this poem/writing:

Meridian (205.188.113.163) -- Saturday, June 26 2004, 01:53 am

good sense of humor

Hey Ben! It's good to see you posting again! I missed your work.... I may not have commented on any, but I read them, and enjoyed them.... You bring joy into one's day, with your never-ending comedy! I liked this "Grandma Cut The Cheese" poem!

Take care,
Smiles,
Meridian
Terrie* (65.148.209.163) -- Saturday, June 26 2004, 02:45 am

Ben,

hi sweetie, so glad to have you back where you belong :) this makes me so happy and this posting i tell ya is one to come to california for..... the CHEESE haha love ya. cain't wait for the next...
Ben (4.182.135.24) -- Saturday, June 26 2004, 04:14 am

Meridian, Thank you for your.....

Thank you soooo much for your comment on this writing, Meridian. I really appreciate it and I am
please to hear that it brought you some joy! I am also glad to hear that you've enjoyed some of my other writings as well. Smiles to you, too!

Best Regards,
Ben
Ben (4.182.135.24) -- Saturday, June 26 2004, 04:22 am

Thanks Terrie*, for your positive....

Thanks Terrie*, for your positive and encouraging comment. I am glad to hear that it made you happy!However, I must say that this "cheese" is not the kind you'd go out of your way looking for!! Haaa! Haaaa! NO WAY, JOSE!!! Thanks again!!!

Best Regards,
Ben
hushy (80.6.138.109) -- Saturday, June 26 2004, 12:22 pm

Ben

hi there ben,great poem mate,my eyes just flowed through it,great!
ben
Ben (4.182.132.166) -- Saturday, June 26 2004, 07:41 pm

hushy, Thank you for....

hushy, Thank you very much for your nice comment, I am pleased to know you enjoyed it and I really appreciate your letting me know!

Best Regards,
Ben
Clive (63.184.97.155) -- Sunday, June 27 2004, 04:59 am

Hi Ben

Great poem and yes I've been there too when Grandma cut that cheese, But you wrote and told, all Grandma's will be looking for you,
Great writing
Ben (4.182.132.149) -- Sunday, June 27 2004, 04:31 pm

Hey, Clive, Thanks for the warning.......

Hey Clive, Thanks for the warning about those Grandmas!! Of course, you are right...that's why I'm now wearing disguises every day and being very secretive about my travel movements. I also have a gas mask I carry with me in case I get trapped in an elevator with a bean-eating Grandma!! It really is a truly dangerous world, isn't it? Haaa! Haaaaa! Thank you again for your comment..I really appreciate it!

Kind Regards,
Ben
Martin Vann (63.185.81.14) -- Sunday, June 27 2004, 07:26 pm

Granny's got a knife in her hand again, Cheese!

Good Golly, Ms. Molly!, Grandmas head-n for the kitchen and she's carry n a knife! Ben is a screch -n and a reach-n for that gas mask the EPA left behind in the survival kit, granny is head-n FUR..., the kitchen!

Like you brother Ben, loved my Granny except for her apple pie, when I was forced to eat it and I was, it was out of love, and love wasn't what brought tears to my eyes, our made my tummy growl, it was awful!

Its wonderful to know, your heart, has reclaimed its poet's pen. Its been to long here, without, my brother Ben, don't leave us again.

Your Amigo,
MartinV

P.S.
Hilda, said, Hi!
Ben (4.182.132.127) -- Sunday, June 27 2004, 09:18 pm

Martin, it's okay, I'm in the bomb shelter.....

Martin, it's okay, I'm in the bomb shelter...I think I'm safe here from bean-eating Granny's chemical weapon of mass destruction! Of course, as I said, when forced to venture out into the so called "civilized world" I carry with me my gas mask just to be on the safe side.

Now, with that said, thank you Martin for your encouraging comment on Grandma Cut The Cheese. I really do appreciate it. I too have some fond memories of dear old Granny in spite of traumatic events which took place in the kitchen!! Haaa! Haaaaa!

Hasta La Burrito Amigo,and Best Regards,
Ben
Chantelle Price (127.0.0.1) -- Friday, January 26 2007, 07:14 pm

that was sick

that was nasty and that was so funny. i wish that i could have wrote something about my grandma
alex (24.51.70.251) -- Tuesday, January 30 2007, 12:56 am

funny

this is the funniest thing i have ever heard
kelly (72.187.57.132) -- Sunday, December 23 2007, 02:09 pm

very funny

very funny...you got talent
Ben Laney (68.127.144.57) -- Saturday, September 6 2008, 10:25 pm

Thank You

Thank you so much Chantelle, Alex, Carrie and Kelly. I'm glad to know you found this funny!
All The Best, Best
 
Name:                                           Remember Me

Comment Title:

Comment / Ammendment:

Please complete the recaptcha below for spam prevention:

Click here to read other Poems by Ben Laney

vinebar

Poetic Dreams Other's Poetic Dreams Submit a Poem New This Week Forum Home

Copyright©2021-1999 by Rebecca R. Hammack

COPYRIGHT NOTICE: All Rights Reserved.   No part of this website, including all pictures and written words,  may be reproduced or copied in any manner from this website without  permission of the original author of the work.  All poetry and pictures herein remain the sole property of the original author and/or copyright owner.  All poetry on this website has been submitted by the original author of the work. To contact any author of the work please e-mail: dreamer@dreamersreality.com  so the proper person may be notified.