too much time on my hands
what can I do?
one time several years back
I'm almost ashamed
but yet I am proud

I had too much time on my hands
you know what I did?
no I didn't cut the grass,
I did that when I got out of my A.S.L class
before my kids got home from school
shortly after two

I didn't go to the grocery store
I did that late at night
before my kids and I headed off to bed

It wasn't the prayer that I said
yet I truely
needed the lords help
that particular day


well I did it all by myself
believe me
I cried during the whole time

I asked my husband why?
so many times over and over again
as quiet as he was
he never replied

after one final request
I asked him again
and still silence was in the end

I took the cars steering column apart,
that’s what I did
I was determined to finish the project
that my husband started

I asked my husband
why did he have to die?
after I struggled many hours
to remove it from the car
I decided it was time to give up
my husband started many projects just for me

I sat in the car for hours at a time
I thought about every sacrafice he made for me
until my tear drops
had faded along with my cries
I told myself brave I was gonna be
because I know God was gonna help me

that was when I decided that
nothing was gonna beat me down
my kids are what mattered
so the three of us got out of town

I also took time out for me
like the lord said I should
I learned how to discipline my life
because I was no longer a wife
the steering wheel was just a guide
to help me focus on the things
that were important to me

I sat down today and thanked the lord
for the simple things in my life
and asked him to forgive me
for what I may have over looked
and the many things
and loved ones I had taken for granted

this is what he said
always with you my child
never left you alone
from the seed I planted
to the woman you are trying to become
when tomorrow arrives
and you find yourself
with too much time on your hands

you will know what to do...

------- Author's Notes -------

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