Better Off Alone by Heretic

My thoughts...so chaotic...so unordered.
My emotions...confusing...
All emotions at once...happy, sad, confused, frustrated...
One particular emotion i hesitate to identify it,
causes a weird sensation in my stomach,
a kind of amped anxiety whenever i think about her.
This emotion, glaringly obvious than the rest.
I don't wanna know....
how i feel about her.

Her...so beautiful, so sweet....so wrong for me.
I can't shape my thoughts into words...
I can't describe how i feel.
My happy place no longer comforts me
My happy thoughts no longer calm me
My solitude, once my friend, now my displeasure.
I don't what has happened,
I don't know what went wrong,
I don't know if i'll be alright
I'm suffocating in my own painful silence
I've got noone to talk to.
I need to tell someone...
to tell her how i feel.

NO! I must not.
I....I....don't know what to do.
What am i to do?
Avoidance! Stay away from her.
Don't talk to her.
Don't think about her.
Don't tell her.
Isolation.
Don't talk to anyone.
Don't think about anyone.
Don't tell anyone.
But it's HER.
Forget about her....it will never happen.
Accept it and move on!
But maybe she shares my feelings.
MAYBE NOT!
Stop. Stop right now.
Don't push it any further. Don't make things any weirder.
You two will never be together...
It will not happen!
Snap out of your childish fantasies!
Quit contemplating the possibilities!
Screw your feelings!
IT WILL NOT HAPPEN JAY!
IT WILL NOT HAPPEN!
It....can't happen.
It shouldn't.

She deserves better....you are nothing.
Get over her, and move on.
You both will be better off...
Avoid her.
You both will be better off...
Forget about her.
You both will be better off...

Meridian (172.163.82.42) -- Wednesday, January 19 2005, 03:03 pm

Jay a.k.a Heretic
By the way, I like your poetic, freestyle name! Great poem! No, I take that back! WONDERFUL poem, honestly! I like your poem so much, as if you're fighting with your conscious, trying to make a choice, or in a never-ending dilemma. I can see people on either sides of your shoulders, telling you what you should do. One saying you two will flourish and prosper together, the other one saying, no, you're right man, forget about her.

Great! All this you did yourself, which I think is INCREDIBLE not INCREDULOUS!
Smiley face,
Meri

christine *aka* dimples (210.55.106.37) -- Thursday, January 20 2005, 09:44 am

so relevant
wow...
you dont know how much that poem impacted me. i was totally infatuated with this guy, but i knew we werent good for each other. this poem is exactly the sort of dillema i have been going thru in my mind, and reading this made the desicion so clear. i was making myself sick trying to sort out my thoughts, and reading this poem put things in order at once. by inserting his name wherever you said 'her', it made everything so clear. thank you, you were able to portray exactly the turmoil i have been going thru, and u made me realise how pointless it is. i have moved on, and i am much happier. thank you again.

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