Razor Blade Lullaby
I hide the Razorblade in my bag
Can’t sleep like living with jet lag
Hide the scars upon my arms
No one knows how I’m harmed
Hide the bruises with baggy cloths
Just wanted someone to hold
I try to cut the pain out of my skin
Try to escape the hell I live in
Wear tons of make-up to hide my bruises
Hide my bags, my scars and the way he uses
Me to the point that he took away everything
Took away the way my heart could sing
I used to be happy, I used to be free
But he took away all of those three
At first it was perfect and fine
I was his and he was mine
All we would do is kiss and hug
All the warm and fluffy stuff
But then he wanted more
More than ever before
One day he demanded my innocence
And then did nothing to recompense
The things that he stole from me
Things that no one could see
He smiled, stood and zipped his fly
Right then I should have said goodbye
But I thought this is how people show love
I thought he was a gift from above
But he is the opposite now I see
I wish he were taken from me
And all the women upon the earth
So there was one less way to hurt
But oh the story does not end there
There is another way to scare
We did it over and over again
Thought we’d be together as wife and man
But he eventually he got rough and mean
And started to beat me to the extreme
One day I told him I was done
And then he said, “Did he think it was fun?”
He said this is the way relationships are
And that I’d liked it all so far
I ate his lies like I was starving
When he said those words alarming
So I continued to let him hurt
Me, “his girlfriend”, and treat me like dirt
So I hurt myself more than he can
A kind of victory over “my man”
In public he loves me and says sweet things
But in know the truth, in my heart it rings
Finally he went one step more
Abuse twice as hard as before
Oh and he also did something worse too
Sold my body to his friends again and anew
He let them hit me and hurt me as he watched
He’s a sadistic and loved them as the debauched
My body over and over and again over
As I thought back to when I just liked to play red rover
It was my childhood I wished to live
And then I wouldn’t have to give
Everything I kept to myself
To him and everybody else
After the millionth time it seemed
I’d had enough and wanted to redeem
Myself of all my sins to the church
I decided to go
And feared the worst
When I came home
He yelled at me and slapped my face
I had to be gone from this place
I went to the bathroom and took some pills
And woke up in the hospital with chills
Running up and down my spine
As I looked to see him with tears in his eyes
He promised me he’d change and that he’d never
Hurt me again and be my only lover
How foolish was I to believe him
I should of thought of all his sins
So I went home and things were well
But only for a short time spell
A month later it was as before
Beating me while “loving me more”
How sadistic, how sick
As he disposed me to the public
On the Internet, for money
He always uses those parts of me
It was a week later he used me again
For the pleasure of his friends
I began to cut myself more
More and more blood on the floor
Cuts up and down my arms
But he did not notice the harm
He was really doing to me inside
My real self-retreats and hides
He does not notice the razorblade marks
And that is because he has a cold heart
One day I will leave him I say
But it is hard to steal away
He watches me just like a hawk
It feels like I’m being stalked
Never and moment alone to myself
Always by somebody else
Way night after he’s a sleep
Into the bathroom I creep
I take my razorblade off the sink
And it is now I begin to think
I smile with joy and the thought
I will finally leave him and naught
Have to see him anymore
I quietly rise and lock the door
I undress silently and climb in the tub
My hands over my arms I rub
I pick up my beloved razorblade
To my skin it is bade
I lower it to my left wrist
And the pain is pure bliss
I cut the vein and move the next
Then I cut the rest
Of the way down my arm
Smile as I think of doing him arm
I slice my skin like its paper
My blood spills and I feel warmer
It flows crimson against my pale white skin
Oh you don’t know the bliss I’m in
Can’t wait to leave can’t wait to die
Can’t wait to watch him cry
From heaven I will see him hurt
From heaven I will see his Earth
Live with out me but then I think
What if he finds and new girl to sink
Into his world and hurt her too
There is something I must do
So I climb from the tub and grab a knife
It is time to end his life
I quietly creep to where he sleeps
I will watch as his skin weeps
I stab him quick in his heart
He wakes up and he starts
To move a little but it’s too late
I push the knife harder to meet his fate
Once I see that he is dead
And beautiful thought floats through my head
I had back to the bathroom to continue my bliss
But I wait and turn back to him and give him one last kiss
I climb into the tub and grab my beautiful razor
And stab and my wrist with renewed vigor
The tub is fool of my blood
Just like a crimson flood
I float away, crying and saying good-bye
All the while singing my Razorblade Lullaby

------- Author's Notes -------

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