You just don’t understand that I
Would change everything about me
Because I hate me as much as you do
I just wish I could go back to being free
But so much has happened that I can’t
I’m a new person that I hate
And it’s gotten to the very point
That there’s nothing else I can take
I’m on the brink of tearing apart
Myself inside-out
And If I, were to cry
Would you hear my shout
Of pain and suffering
Grieving and sorrow
Crying all night
Waiting for tomorrow
Because in the light I’m happy
In the light I am free
But in the dark there is
A whole new different me
I’m solemn and destroyed
I scream from an invisible pain
But when it’s light and you’re around
I am just as normal and plain
As everyone else you see everyday
No different than anyone else
You have no idea that I’d rather
Be anyone but myself
It’s too much to take
I want to be numb
How can’t you notice
Why are you so dumb
It’s easy to see that I’m not normal
Easy to see that I’m in pain
It’s obvious, it’s written
My face, it is so plain
You smile at me and
Call me your friend
And as long as u think
That my pain will not end
But you can’t see it
You’re in love with her
And how I feel about it
Just does not matter
When you brush my hand
Put a hand on my shoulder
Causes my heart
To burn and smolder
Please choose me
What’s stopping you
Oh, yeah,
It’s that girl you’re bound to
So you don’t love me
And neither do I
So all that’s left
Is for me to die
I grab the robe
Run to my room
And went for night
For my impending doom
I’ll put red lipstick on
Kiss you one last time
Cause in the darkness
Your all mine
I make a loop
So very neat
Surprised I can accomplish
This small feat
Hang it from my window ledge
So that I can hang outside
Everyone will see me
Everyone will cry
Everyone will wonder
Why did she do it
Why did she try
Why did she succeed
In making herself die
It was raining
Slippery as I stood
On that fateful window sill
Then I decided that I should
At least write a note
To my mom as to why
I had to leave her
I had to die
But then I decided
I’d live for her
I didn’t want to die
Not anymore
But as I stepped down
The windowsill
I slipped and
Time stood still
And I realized right then
Because the rope was not loose
I was going to hang my self
When my neck was withheld by the noose
I slipped and fell and strangled myself
And I saw him coming up the drive
With flowers in his hand
I wish I hadn’t ended my live
But it’s too late now
And now I’m dead
With this guilt
Looming over my head
Ha that’s a joke
Because when I was hung for dead
The robe pulled tight
And cut off my head

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Copyright©2017-1999 by Rebecca R. Hammack

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